The Japan Bulletin
by Umeko
Summary: The official Meiji era paper! What's the official statement on Shishio & other happenings? Saitou's advice column? Another look at life in the RK universe. Companion fic to New Kyoto Post.
1. Issue 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

This fic is inspired by MisBehavin's _The Meiji Journal_ and Barbara Sheridan's _Mibu Times Dispatch_. It is the companion fic to _New Kyoto Post_ from the Bakumatsu era. They have the same editorial team, well at least those who lived stayed on into the Meiji era.

Suggestions and comments welcome! Please RR.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 1_

_A Warm Welcome, Fellow Citizens! _

To inform our citizens on the latest government policies and laws, we bring to you _The Japan Bulletin_. We aim to improve the masses' understanding and support for our ever-diligent politicians who are ever so honest and enforce our image as a peaceful society built on equality in this wonderful Meiji era. We are based in Tokyo but have branch offices in all major towns like Kyoto, Osaka, etc.

Our head offices are at Tokyo Capital Police HQ Building South wing. Do write in with your suggestions and we'll see to them when we've the time. We also accept advertisements and notices for a reasonable fee. You are advised that any personal ads in this paper must comply with our government's no-inciting-revolts policy.

Under the guidance of our leaders, we will enter the modern world. Japan will prosper and become a great nation in her rightful glory. Guess you guys have heard all this talk before. Trust us, we're for real…

- Chief Editor, Former Propaganda Chief Ikeda Koji

(from the comfort of his wheelchair due to an old Bakumatsu injury)

* * *

DIET'S LATEST

TAXES UP

We regret that after months of trying to balance our national budget, we have no choice but to increase all taxes by 50 percent. We plead for your understanding as the Seinan war has exhausted our nation's coffers. In addition to replenishing our nation's treasury, the funds will also be channeled to our military's modernization to better equip us in stamping out any misguided attempts to revolt.

- Finance Minister

* * *

ARMY RECRUITMENT DRIVE

We also require dedicated patriots to fill the ranks of our officers. Skilled swordsmen with strong Royalist credentials preferred. Please, Japan needs you! We'll offer salary and posts according to credentials and experience!

- Defence Minister Yamagata (Okubo-san, think this will flush Battousai out? We need men of his caliber. _Yamagata, are you kidding me? Knowing him…_)

* * *

Reminder: No swords law

All citizens please take note. It is now illegal to carry swords in public without a permit! Permits are only restricted to our elite swordsmen police force. However, allowances are made for bokkens and shinais for students and instructors of registered dojos. Dojo masters are also reminded to renew their dojo permit annually for a token fee at the local district police station.

Offenders will face a stiff fine and repeat offenders will face imprisonment. NO, it doesn't matter if your sword is a sakabatou. You still will be charged.

* * *

Battousai student of Kamiya dojo?

A large man under the name of Battousai has been attacking people in the streets of Tokyo. He claimed he was a student of that local Kamiya dojo. The dojo mistress, Kamiya Kaoru, denies this. "Kamiya Kassim Ryu is a sword style that guards life! This is an outrage!" The young woman insisted when questioned by our reporters.

"I appeal to all students and parents not to be mislead by such malicious gossip. If I get my hands on this Battousai guy… I'll rip his kami-damned hide off and nail it to the dojo gate!"

As Bakumatsu veterans recall, Battousai was the famous hitokiri who worked for the late Katsura Kogoro. He is a skilled swordsman but it is unknown which dojo he hailed from. The respected Katsura-san never told anyone where he recruited the man. Battousai vanished soon after the Bakumatsu and his whereabouts are unknown.

* * *

Appeal from Kamiya Dojo

Please don't listen to that Battousai jerk! My father never had him as a student, ever! Please, do continue coming for your lessons! Kendo is fun and good for health. It builds discipline and strength of character. Kamiya Kassim Ryu is the "sword of life", not a method of murder!

I also appeal to anyone who has information on this Battousai to come forward… (takes a couple of practice whacks with the bokken)

- Kamiya Kaoru

* * *

_Notice to Kamiya Kaoru, Kamiya Dojo_

Settle your Battousai problem! You are giving all us kendo masters a bad rep! You have two weeks or we'll remove Kamiya dojo from our registry.

- Japan Kendo Association

* * *

Coming soon: Advice Segment

Write in to our advice segment for advice from our friendly neighborhood cop! Send your letters to Tokyo Capital Police HQ where our head offices are located. (Er, who's gonna give the advice?)

* * *

_Advertisement: Akabeko Special Offer!_

Our set meal A is going at half-price this week. Set meal A includes miso soup, rice, stewed chicken and vegetables with complimentary green tea.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

I let the head office be in Tokyo. Fireworks when Tsunan gets into the newspaper business. I may shift the offices to Kyoto for the Kyoto arc. I intend to follow the RK manga. So no anime arcs post Kyoto. No Christian arc etc.

Ikeda Koji is an OC. If the name sounds familiar… well, he's the editor of the Choushu Bakumatsu rebel paper after his brother got killed in the Ikeda-ya incident.


	2. Issue 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **About Saitou doing the advice segment, well...

**Slow Motion: **Watch out for more gaffes from our non-violent Kamiya dojo spokeswoman. You may want to read _The Meiji Journal, Mibu Times Dispatch _or _New Kyoto Post _for similar humor if this is your cuppa tea.

Of course, this ficcie in no way reflects actual life in the Meiji era.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 2_

Tokyo: Disturbance at Kamiya Dojo

Police were called to the Kamiya dojo by concerned neighbors after unsavory characters were seen going into the premises. The police found the aftermath of a battle at the place and a very grateful dojo mistress. The woman claimed she was rescued from those riff-raffs by an unknown ruronin who took them out with his sword.

Surprisingly, no one was killed. It is believed the ruronin struck with the blunt side of his sword. Among those captured was the fake Battousai, Hiruma Gohei, who has been bashing up people on the streets. Miss Kamiya stresses once again that her dojo does not produce murderers and using the sword as a tool for murder runs counter to the Kamiya dojo's philosophy.

However, we understand that Hiruma was a one-time student before he was expelled as a troublemaker by the late Kamiya sensei.

(Kaoru screeching in background: "HE'S NOT A STUDENT!" _WHACK!_)

* * *

TOKYO CRIME WAVE!

_Pick-pocketing cases up_

Tokyo police warn all citizens to watch their belongings as there has been a sharp increase in pick-pocketing incidents. Be wary in crowds and hold your purses close to your person. Police suspect Yakuza gangsters have been recruiting young kids as pickpockets. Police will deal with these culprits severely. Children caught pick-pocketing will be taken into state custody until suitably responsible guardians can be found for them.

_Street fighter on the loose_

Citizens are to be wary of a certain young ahou with the 'Aku' or kanji for BAD character on his back. This man has beaten up several men in a street brawl and is guilty of not paying for his meals. He targets Ishin supporters. Do NOT approach him! Witnesses state that he is very, very pissed off by any degrading remarks with regards to the fake Royalist Army known as the Seikihou… (_Ack!_ What did you say, you cockroach? BASH! BASH!)

* * *

Advice Segment

This segment has been suspended after our friendly neighborhood policeman Fujita Goro threatened to Gatotsu us for putting his name down as advice columnist.

(Damn! How we wish Umeko-san was still around… She hasn't forgiven us over what happened at the end of the Bakumatsu to that peasant army…)

* * *

Reminder on Law against Public Sword Wearing

The era of the samurai is past. Former samurai are reminded to put away their swords. You have no use for them in this peaceful era. This notice is targeted at a certain red-haired ruronin who is a persistent offender. The said ruronin was last seen in a Tokyo eatery. Desist or else!

* * *

_Employment Opportunity _

Bodyguards wanted for top politicians against assassins in the pay of political rivals, renegade former employees and anyone else who holds a grudge. Must be skilled fighters prepared to be killed in the line of duty. We have openings all over the country. Apply to your local Pan-Japan Private Security branch office.

_Tokyo Job Opening for Clinic Assistant_

_Family physician needs trainee-cum-assistant at Tokyo clinic. Experience in medicine preferred. Apply to Dr. Gensai.

* * *

_

Japan Tourism Board Promotions

_Visit Shingetsu village! Our hot springs are the perfect vacation hotspot for honeymoons. In addition, our local spring-water has curative properties suited for treatment of skin problems. Soak in our soothing springs._

Visit Kyoto, the infamous site of many Bakumatsu battles. Join our ghost tours as we bring you to the infamous Ikeda-ya and other battles sites! Take a photo with Saizou, the Shinsengumi's mascot pig that outlived his master, Okita Souji of the First Patrol, and most of his comrades. Read actual haikus by the notorious Demon Hijikata at the Wolves' Den Soba House. Come soak up our rich history! Special rates at Aoiya Inn.

_Desert Island off Japan. One ferry per week. For those who really want to get away from it all._

* * *

_Akabeko Notice:_

Our restaurant in Tokyo has stopped our set meal offer because we are having problems meeting our running cost thanks to a customer with very bad credit. (_Like the word on his back…)_

To Sagara Sanosuke, PAY UP! I'm not running a soup kitchen! And quit throwing your fishbones everywhere!

- Sekihara Tae

* * *

Missing Person: Hitokiri Battousai 

All policemen and citizens are to be on the lookout for a red-haired samurai with a cross-scar on his cheek. If you find him, contact District Chief Kawaji IMMEDIATELY!

* * *

_Bids for Shipbuilding_

Preferably steel-clad warship class vessel. Contact Seta at Kyoto Post Box 10. (_Seta, you sure you can get away with this?_ Houji, it's on Shishio-sama's orders)

* * *

NOTICE: To all you politicians 

Prepare to die!

- Jin-ei Udo

(_What? After that guy! ARGH!_

Friendly neighborhood cop arrives on the scene ten minutes later from the local tobacco shop with a letter…

Fujita Goro: _Okubo-san wants to see me? Very well…_

Steps nonchalantly over dead newspaper staff member strolls off smoking his cigarette)

_Employment! Vacancy at The Japan Bulletin for editing staff. Must be pro-Ishin government._

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Please Read and Review. Yes, the police headquarters have the worst security ever. Maybe someone can persuade Saitou to do the advice segment soon...

Umeko's the advice columnist from the New Kyoto Post and an OC. Anyone wants her back in the same capacity in this paper? Ten years may have dulled her wits a bit...


	3. Issue 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**SakuraShinguji:** Yeah, Saitou drafted the article on the street-fighter. His former secretary wrote it. And got beat up for it.

**Sailor-Earth: **Saitou will be handling the advice segment after much persuasion from his superiors, including Lord Okubo.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 3_

TERMITE INFESTATION

Citizens of Tokyo are warned of a mysterious outbreak of termites after a large branch fell off a tree outside the Kamiya dojo grounds. Several other trees on the city's outskirts were found with similar damage to the trunks. Termite researchers are puzzled as the trees show no signs of the insects. They came to the conclusion that it was the work of a large or very sharp blade. However, we reassure the public that there are no sword-wielding maniacs attacking our greenery.

* * *

_Warning: Burglaries up_

Several eateries and stores have been burglarized over the past month. Police suspect an inside job. Shop owners are reminded to lock up for the night and be careful who you give the keys to. Please do not hide your keys in the pail outside the door or any similar spots.

* * *

STREET BRAWL:

KAMIYA DOJO STUDENT IMPLICATED

A young trainee, Myojin Yahiko, was implicated in a street fight with several men. The reason for the fight was believed to be a pure misunderstanding arising from the men trying to accost a young waitress in the back alley behind a Tokyo eatery. The boy claimed that the thugs were trying to force the girl to act as their accomplice in a burglary. The men have been taken into custody. The boy's guardian, Kamiya Kaoru of the notorious Kamiya dojo, refuses to comment.

(NOTORIOUS! Do you people intend on ruining my dojo? WHACK! _Told ya not to go there…_)

* * *

SERIAL KILLER NOT FORMER ISHIN MAN

Local district officials stress that there is no disgruntled former Ishin assassin with hypnotic powers after top government officials. The recent string of murders was the work of a solitary psychopath and is purely random. Ofiicials also deny that the respected Yamagata-san has contacted Hitokiri Battousai for assistance. If we did find the man, Battousai would have been appointed to the Defence Ministry. We also deny that an innocent young woman was kidnapped by the psychopath to force Battousai into a duel.

On a lighter note, citizens are not to fret over this serial killer. He was found dead in an apparent suicide in a field near the river. We can all rest easy now… Phew!

* * *

HEALTH BULLETIN

Citizens were reminded that opium is very addictive and should NEVER be taken without a professional doctor's prescription. If you are an addict and wish to break the habit, go to your local community council and they'll refer you for rehab. Remember, the opium habit KILLS.

* * *

NOTICE from Japan Railway Board

There is a perfectly scientific explanation as to how our trains run. They are NOT driven by spirits as some old wives and ignoramuses will have you believe. They are run on engines manufactured with the best of German technology. Steam from the boilers propels our engines forward. Our trains are perfectly safe!

* * *

_Japan Child Welfare_

If you are aware of a child being abused, do NOT hesitate to inform your nearest welfare office. We have heard complaints of children being overworked, hit over the head with a bokken and forced to consume things potentially hazardous to their well-being. There are laws for the protection of our young, well, once they get them formalized in the Diet. Offenders will be severely dealt with.

* * *

_Warning: Dangerous Thug on the Loose!_

Citizens are warned to be wary of a tall, spiky haired man wearing a coat with the BAD character on his back. He is often seen in the company of a small boy with a bokken and a fondness for gnawing on his companion's head. The tall ahou has been implicated in several street brawls and the younger ahou seems to be a follower of his.

* * *

Advice Segment 

I, Fujita Goro, will be handling this segment because _someone_ insisted on it. (grinds teeth)

_Dear Friendly Neighborhood Cop,_

_I am descended from a proud family of samurai. However, Pops got killed when I was still a baby and Mom was very ill before her death recently. I've been working for a local group in collections to pay off my folks' debts. However, the business is a tad illegal, you know… Ack! I dunno if I should continue with my job or start searching for alternative employment!_

_- Pickpocket_

Dear Pickpocket

So you're that (bleep) ahou who's been picking pockets all over town. You're a disgrace to your samurai folks! You not even worthy of committing seppuku! I'm busy figuring out whether you qualify for Aku Soku Zan. Are you fifteen yet?

- Fujita

_Yo! Bootlicking Ishin dog! Everyone keeps speaking ill of my mentor and when I try to knock it into their skulls, a pack of Meiji government dogs try to arrest me. Lay off!_

_- BAD_

YOU! You're that (BLEEP-BLEEPING!) ahou who beat up my secretary! Taro-kun's been taken off the force for medical reasons and I got to do my own groceries! Do you have any idea what marketing is like here? I'll Aku Soku Zan you for sure! Nay, maybe I'll just stab you in your non-vital parts because you are not worthy of my effort to zan you. Small Fry…

- Fujita

Editor's Note: After much consideration, we will be looking for a new advice columnist. Someone more friendly (sweat-drop) Apply at Tokyo police HQ.

* * *

_Advertisement: Cleaning Services _

Got stubborn stains on your favorite blue ribbon? We have vast experience in the Bakumatsu dealing with stains of a stubborn nature, _like blood_. Contact Kiroro's Laundry Services.

* * *

_Missing Person:_

Pretty female aged 20 plus ran away, er I mean missing. Has long black hair and a pale complexion. I have my ninjas looking for her but should you have any information as to her whereabouts, please contact me at Takeda mansion. You will be handsomely rewarded.

- Perfectly legitimate merchant, Takeda

* * *

_Employment Opportunity_

In light of the increased frequency of pirate attacks on merchant vessels, local shipping firm wishes to hire trained security personnel. Apply via the harbormaster's offices.

Employment:

Secretary to a police officer. Must be willing to do marketing, laundry and general housework. Ability to whip up a tasty bowl of soba at odd hours will be advantageous.

_Opening for errand boy_

Want agile, light-fingered lad of about ten urgently since my last boy ran off with a hitokiri. Must be reasonably clever and not too annoying. No family preferred. Apply to the 'Chief' at the local gambling den.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Saitou's doing the advice column, at least for a while. This friendly neighborhood cop isn't that friendly. Now we know why he HATES Sano so much. Sano's not exactly polite either. Imagine Saitou doing chores about the house. Poor secretary. Can you imagine being Saitou's personal assistant?

Please Read and Review. Write in for advice to our Friendly Neighborhood Cop! (grin)


	4. Issue 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Lolo:** Chief Uramura can take the advice segment, but seriously, do you think he has as much life experience as our Wolf of Mibu?

**Sakura-Shinguji:** Yeah, Kenshin will be good for advice. However, he doesn't want to work for the Meiji government's offices. He's still a ruronin.

Sadly, this may be the last issue with Fujita giving advice due to certain developments. However, I have found a wacky replacement.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 4_

NOTICE FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

We stress once more that the peasant army led by the fraud Sagara is a sham. For crying out loud, do not be deceived by a foul-mouthed ahou shooting his mouth off in the local tavern and gambling den. The execution of Sagara was perfectly justified and not an attempt by Royalist forces to weasel out of their promises to the public.

- Chief Editor Ikeda Koji

(OW! That naginata… Umeko-san? What are you doing here? _Just visiting… You guys haven't a law on naginatas yet, right? Quit slandering those poor lads!WHACK!_)

* * *

_Illegal Military Group on the Loose_

Citizens are to beware of a rouge military faction going by the name of the Jimpu Tai. They are highly dangerous and are believed to be responsible for the murders of several respected politicians. Come forward with any information to your local police station.

- Yamagata (_Sir! You can't be serious… call you-know-who._ Kawaji, I promised to let him be…)

* * *

FIGHT AT KAMIYA DOJO?

Dojo owner, Kamiya Kaoru, denies that there was a fight involving a fire eater and one of her lodgers several nights ago. Miss Kamiya also denies that they were sheltering a fugitive from the law in the dojo. Neighbors claimed they heard sounds of a heated battle. Local family physician Gensai was called to the place to treat a young man for burn injuries and a boy for an apparent case of poisoning.

"Sano was simply the victim of a childish prank involving fireworks that backfired on him. As for Yahiko, he simply got stung by a wasp. Please! Be assured we are not being threatened by ninjas or gangsters! And we did not have a cannon fired into our dojo either! We still have vacancies for students!" Miss Kamiya was quoted.

* * *

LATEST: Amendment to Sword-carrying Law

The no-sword in public law has been extended to cover naginatas after a madwoman assaulted the chief editor of our flagship paper. The woman is believed to be mentally unsound after the tragic demise of her brother during the Seinan War from an illness of the brain. As such, she will not be charged but detained for medical attention.

* * *

DRUG BUST AT TAKEDA MANSION

Police received an anonymous tip-off and raided the home of drug lord and arms merchant Takeda Kanryuu. They found large quantities of processed opium and unprocessed poppies as well as illegal arms including a recently used Gatling gun. Bloodstains were found in the main hall. The informant told police that Takeda had mowed down his ninja team after a management disagreement.

However, no bodies or ninjas were found at the scene. Rumors had it that the ninjas were out to capture an unknown young woman who was processing opium for Takeda after she ran away. They were believed to be responsible for a minor disturbance at a local dojo although the dojo mistress denies this, _violently_.

Takeda is to be charged with drug-dealing and arms possession according to our laws. Authorities request that _a certain rooster-headed ahou _not lynch the man over the death of his gambling buddy from an opium overdose and give us some leads to the whereabouts of the ninjas or the mystery female.

A man in a white overcoat was seen leaving the estate with a heavily loaded cart before the police arrived. Witnesses claimed he was mumbling incoherently and in a state of distress.

* * *

Advice Segment

More letters, more trash. And the name's Fujita! Friendly neighborhood cop Fujita! Can't believe they warned me to mind my language…

_Dear Cop-san, _

_Everyone thinks I am a violent person. I AM NOT! I'm a pretty, sweet kendo-teaching gal. Why can't people get it into their heads? Okay, so I whack my student a bit as part of discipline. I AM NOT VIOLENT!_

_- Kendo Gal_

You sound like a tanuki. _(Definition: raccoon-like creature from Japanese folklore. Very bad tempered and prone to whacking people with a stick.)_ Quit screeching. We can hear you from our station. Tanuki.

_Dear Friendly Neighborhood Cop, _

I have been in love with this man for a long time, and I think he loves me too, but I have been waiting forever for him to sweep me off my feet. Am I doing something wrong? Help!

-Smitten

Hn, you should consider something more aggressive. When I professed my love for my wife, she didn't even have the chance to say no. (crosses fingers)

_Dear Friendly Neighborhood Cop, _

I'm the boss of a gang- Er, security force- of a very rich yaku- Uhem -businessman. When I took the job I brought my four buddies with me to work for him because their professional skills are pretty limited in the Meiji Era, but I figured that in this day and age security for rich folks will soon be a career in high demand. Everything started out fine, until I found out that the man we work for is involved in some very shady business, which my buddies and I have now become instrumental in. I could always quit this job and find other work, but my friends aren't so adaptable to the current era and I'm afraid that if they quit as well they'll end up homeless and starve to death.  
What do you think I should do? We're pretty much a set here; if I go they go. But the opportunities for us are pretty slim out there, and this guy does pay us a pretty good salary with excellent medical, dental, 401K, vacation days, and Continuing Ninjutsu Training reimbursement.  
sigh I'm really at a loss on what to do.

-Okashira

Hn, now you know why I ditched the old gang from Mibu. You should consider going solo like I did. Considered joining the civil service? We need more guys in the intelligence department. Apply to Chief Uramura, who should be doing this segment but prefers to watch the theater with his wife… Henpecked.

_Dear Sir,_

_I was a kendo instructor who became a hitokiri during the Bakumatsu. However, I have quit and devoted myself to teaching poor kids to read and write. However, one of my best kendo students heads a group of assassins and is trying to force me to join them. I've told him I've given up the sword but he's still insisting. He threatens to harm my current students. _

_- Remorseful Sensei_

Dear Sensei,

Do us a favor and pick up your sword one last time. Three words for you and your student. Aku Soku Zan. Get the hint, hitokiri?

- Fujita

A hitokiri is always a hitokiri. A wolf is always a wolf. (Lights cigarette)

* * *

NOTICE: 

Guys, I am flattered by your attentions BUT I wish to remind you that I am a trained medical professional. Come to the clinic when and _only _when you need medical assistance! Ken-san is an exception _(Ohohoho…)_

Sagara Sanosuke, quit poking fun at my medical skills. I regret that we have yet to find a cure for your obnoxious stupidity.

- Takani Megumi, assistant to Dr Gensai

* * *

GENSAI FAMILY CLINIC: We treat all injuries and illnesses, including sword and gunshot injuries. 

_Wanted: Local trading associate_. My last one was just caught red-handed with the goods. Apply to the representative of Yukishiro Enterprises Japan Branch at the Yokohama Budget Mansions.

_Wanted:_

Quality tombstones for four departed comrades. Contact Shinomori at the abandoned shrine on the hill outside Tokyo. I will be leaving next month for skills training to take down a certain Bakumatsu legend for good.

* * *

LATEST FROM THE DESK!

We are glad to announce that we have pressured, I mean persuaded Umeko-san to be our advice columnist from the comfort of her new quarters in the lock up at the local police HQ. Write in to Umeko for advice at Tokyo Capital Police HQ.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I've included the Jimpu-Tai incident. And the okashira's letter for Saitou's advice. Of course, it's kinda sad that okashira's really going solo. As for Saitou ditching his Mibu buddies… well… a wolf is still a wolf, even a lone wolf. And he is lying about that part about his wife. (Refer to _New Kyoto Post_)

Umeko's an OC taken from _New Kyoto Post_. She used to run a restaurant named Umeya in Kyoto during the late Tokugawa era. She's the elder sister of Katsura, Kenshin's boss from that era. She happened to know Sekihoutai's Sagara and Battousai, and a couple of Shinsengumi members, including Okita and Saitou.

BTW, a naginata's a spear-like weapon.


	5. Issue 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

Good news! Saitou will be back after he settles that business with Battousai and Shishio. He also has some business with a corrupt politician and his lackey. BTW, he is still looking for a personal assistant.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 5_

Tokyo Courts: Kendo Teacher Sued

Kendo instructor "Thunder God" Raijuta was charged with causing grievous hurt to his only student. According to local medical experts, the tendons in the boy's right arm were severed after his teacher executed one of his trademark moves too close to the lad during a demonstration. It is unknown if the boy will ever regain the use of his arm. The court has ruled that the boy's identity be withheld.

The boy's father, a well-known financial leader, is outraged. "I hire him to teach my son kendo, and what happens? I should have sent my boy to Maekawa or Kamiya dojo instead! But I thought he was a qualified private kenjutsu tutor! My poor boy's very cut up over his injury. I intend to bring him to Germany for medical treatment."

Raijuta cannot be reached for comment as he has skipped bail and town. Local police have issued a warrant for his arrest. Police officer Fujita Goro will be leading a search of the local hillside. The Japan Kendo Association reminds all parents to enroll their sons with dojos and instructors recognized by the association.

_Court Martial: Jimpu-Tai members found guilty_

A group of military dissidents were found guilty of planning and carrying out assassinations of several politicians. However, in a rare show of clemency, the military court has ruled that the Jimpu-Tai members be exiled to Hokkaido. The ringleader was seen openly shedding tears as he bid farewell to a man believed to be his sensei as he was being taken onto the prison cart.

The offenders will be sailing for Hokkaido today. Military courts stress that this was an exceptional case as a respected person closely-connected to the Meiji government has made a plea that mercy to shown. Other would-be dissidents are reminded that a firing squad awaits them.

* * *

Editorial Special: State of the Meiji Swordsmanship

By Guest Writer Thunder God Raijuta

The purity of kenjutsu has been befouled by our wimpy new laws!

Where's the glory of the samurai gone? We're being replaced by pencil-pushing government wimps. Banning samurai form carrying swords is an outrage and a violation of our basic samurai rights! Only misguided fools at the Maekawa and Kamiya dojos will espouse the use of shinais and bokkens. Please! These are mere playthings for little boys. Real men use actual steel swords and fight to the death in the proud samurai tradition!

I am considering starting a kendo club for like-minded samurai to regain our lost glory. Meet up at my sorry disciple Yutaro's estate in Izu. Join us as we restore the full glory of kenjutsu in this moronic Meiji era! Together, we will create a new nation!

(_WHO let this guy get his article published?_

Fujita-san, he did threaten to kill us if we don't

_Wimps! Where's the guy now, I want to talk with him… about Aku Soku Zan_

A freeloader at the Kamiya dojo defeated him. He's fled after a parent filed charges against him for hurting his son's arm.

_Well, well_…_Where's my cigarettes_)

* * *

Advice Segment

Konnichiwa. I am Katsura Umeko. I used to run a restaurant in Kyoto during the Bakumatsu before it burnt to the ground. Now I am giving advice from my cell. _Damn you bastards! If my brother Kogoro were still alive, he'll fix you…_

I do NOT approve of the ways things are run and I do NOT approve of the fact I was certified insane so they can stop me from leaking out the corruption problem. Still, I'll be handling this column because I doubt anyone in this outfit can even tell green tea from dishwater. Special thanks to Okubo-san for not letting them exile me.

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_I inherited a dojo from my father. Due to certain unfortunate incidents, I have only one student to date. In addition to my woes, I have to support a penniless street punk, a rude brat and a red-haired ruronin! Help! I'm having problems making ends meet!_

_- Kendo Princess_

Dear Kendo-san,

Get your housemates to work with you to meet the household costs and running the dojo. If you are who I think you are, I think you'll be able to hit some sense into their thick skulls. Go easy on the ruronin. The guy's a pushover when it comes to girls. (wink, wink)

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am trying to persuade a certain former employee to serve us in the government. I believe he has the caliber and integrity needed for building a brighter future. How you do propose I go about it? _

_- Ishin Man_

Leave the lad alone already! Haven't you made him do enough dirty work! He deserves a chance to lead his own life and find his happiness!

- Umeko

EDITOR'S NOTE: So write in folks, to our dear Aunt Umeko for advice. She will be covering for Fujita while the latter attends to some personal business we cannot disclose.

* * *

Appeal from Kamiya Dojo

Please! We have lots of openings for students! We are not involved in drug dealing, yakuza or murders! Good grief! We're just a regular kendo dojo! Forget about that Battousai incident already! And that food poisoning incident was solely the result of Yahiko's negligence!

– Kamiya Kaoru

(Yahiko: You lying hag! You were trying to poison us! Ack! Ow! BONK!)

* * *

_Ad:_ Fujimoto's Photo Studio stresses that cameras DO NOT steal souls. Will the punk with the kanji BAD on his back quit smashing our store cameras?

* * *

_Education: Nagasaki Language Institute _

Want to learn to speak German? English? Or Chinese? Sign up for our language courses now. Do not hesitate! Learn not only to speak, but read and write the language as well. Our teachers are highly trained professionals. We regret that our Dutch class has been filled by students from the Amakusa Christian Association.

* * *

Personal Ad: 

You cheap vixen! You keep away from Kenshin, you hear? You have no business dropping by my place everyday to talk to him!

– Kamiya

Personal Ad:

I believe you have grossly misunderstood my intentions, Kaoru-chan. Stop making those faces whenever I drop by or it'll get stuck that way. I only offer my medical services to the boys under Gensai sensei's instructions. Especially poor little Yahiko. Want me to report you for student abuse?

- Megu

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Umeko's not exactly very pleased about taking over from Saitou. She may make a good reporter for Tsunan's paper. Too bad she got arrested and locked away. She was very well-connected to the Choushu Ishin, see New Kyoto Post.

Yea, the girls are bitching about each other.

Thanks for the reviews.


	6. Issue 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Lolo:** Are you sure Umeko's entirely in her right mind? She has been through a lot. I mean, the death of close friends during the Bakumatsu, her brother's demise...

What happens when Umeko gets visitors, visitors from beyond? PMK Saitou had the ability to communicate with the dead, but not RK Saitou. So guess who the medium is. Or she may be just plain crazy.

I did say I'm sticking with the manga, but some bits of the anime are simply too good to pass up.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 6_

BOMB ATTACK: Government Offices Hit!

In what is suspected to be an attempt by dissidents to create chaos, a government office was bombed two nights ago. The explosive used were crude and of a homemade nature. Authorities deny that a red-haired man was seen on the premises at one such attack. Or that he fought with a local thug. A clue to the identity of these dissidents is a wood print by artist Tsunan. The print was too badly damaged in the blast to recognize what was on it besides the artist's name. The operandi modus was similar to several other incidents over the past weeks, except looting occurred in the other cases. Investigations are underway.

* * *

NO RESORT TAKEOVER

We deny that that the popular hot-springs resort village of Shingetsu has been taken over by a gang of dissidents led by a former Ishin hitokiri by the name of Shishio Makoto. However, due to rumors of a leprosy outbreak, tourists are advised not to visit the said region.

(_Fujita-san, who do you have in mind to send as a spy?_ I think that young detective in that corner. He's got family there…)

* * *

MYSTERY WEASEL ATTACKS

Police are puzzled by reports of a series of mysterious attacks on travelers on the forests between Tokyo and Kyoto. Victims claimed that they were attacked by what appeared to be a weasel-like character in ninja garb. The creature threw knives, and kicked its victims before making off with their valuables. The mystery attacker is able to jump very high, has alarming agility and a loud screeching cry. Some claim that the creature's a female human with a long rat tail-like braid.

Police will be increasing patrols along the Tokyo-Kyoto route. The public are advised to stick to the main roads and avoid straying into the forests. Investigations are still underway.

* * *

Tokyo Courts: Verdict on Food Poisoning Case

The mass food-poisoning incident at a party held at the Kamiya dojo is caused by negligence on the dojo owner's part in failure to ensure that food was properly stored prior to the party. The party's caterer, Akabeko Restaurant, is cleared of responsibility in the case and health inspectors have given the restaurant a clean bill of health.

Dojo owner, Kamiya Kaoru, is ordered to attend a course on proper food preparation and storage by the court before Kamiya dojo is allowed to cook for its students.

* * *

Notice: To Wood Print Artist Tsunan

We admire your work and talent. But we regret that we will not be carrying any more of your Seikihou Sagara prints. They may be artistically pleasing but they are too political for us poor corner shops to carry. May we suggest you turn your talents to a more profitable genre, like _erotica_?

* * *

Advice Segment

Captain Sagara of the Sekihoutai dropped by asking after his two charges. I reassured him they have grown into fine young men who tried to break me out over the weekend. He stayed to play a round of shogi with me. Sigh, the guard outside was wondering why I was playing shogi alone. I don't get many visitors, live ones at least.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I have this customer with really BAD credit. I'm running a business, not a charity organization. This punk comes in, eats and strolls out without even paying. What's worse, he enjoys beating up Ishin guys outside my place. However, he's kinda polite to me at times. Call me a fool, but I can't seem to bring myself to sue him for the tab. _

_- Tae_

Dear Tae-san,

Don't sue the boy. I'll get Sagara to speak with him soon over the tab. Maybe you can consider hiring him as a security officer for your place given the rise in violent crimes recently. I understand your dilemma. I used to have similar trouble with several wolves in Kyoto. Of course, I always sent the bill to Okita or the Shinsengumi's treasurer San-nan. Sending it to Hijikata means seppuku for the offenders.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am being abused by my guardian! She whacks me under the pretext of teaching me kendo. She makes me and the other guys do her chores. On top of it, she poisons us with her lousy (Bleep) cooking! She's an old hag! Then she goes crazy over my idol! It makes me sick… I asked Kenshin for help, but even Kenshin gets bullied into doing her laundry, (shudder) including her underwear! Help!_

_- Myojin Yahiko, proud son of samurai_

Dear Yahiko-kun,

Got your departed parents reading this letter, they insist you continue with your kendo training and not wind up taking after that street fighter you are so fond of fighting with. Stay on till you're 15. Yes, Kenshin's real sweet when it comes to the ladies. If you get a tummy-ache, you do know a good doctor, right? And never, ever insult your sensei. Show her some respect at least. That way, you'll up your chances of seeing fifteen.

- Yours, Umeko

Sagara's former boy terrors, I'm doing well in here. Save your explosives for other purposes.

(Outside Umeko's cell. Guard:_ Told you we should've have given her that shogi set…She's nuts! Guess we were right to suspend her right to visitors._)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Kindly ignore Umeko's ramblings. She's not quite all up there. Maybe we need a new columnist… Interested parties can apply to our offices.

* * *

Notice: We have MOVED!

Fujimoto's Photo Studio is moving to Yokohama after our manager failed to talk sense into a punk and stop him from smashing our goods. Our new place is at 16, Rainbow Walk, Yokohama.

* * *

Personal Ad:

In Memory of Captain Sagara. You taught us about equality. I respected and admired you for that. You were wronged by our cowardly government when they decided they needed a scapegoat for their crimes against the people. _(Hey! Whadda ya mean I can't place my ad? What? You wanna arrest me for not paying? BASH! POW!)

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Sano! I know you're still alive. Your reputation precedes you. Two policemen beat up outside the tavern… I recognize your handiwork anywhere! Contact me soon at the print store. You'll recognize a mutual friend there.

-A former comrade _(I can't believe I'm forced to put an ad in this paper… Baka Sano…Hope you drop by at my place soon.)

* * *

_

_Wanted:_ Tailor to make uniforms for re-enactment of Bakumatsu battles by History Interest Society. Seikihoutai uniforms in particular. Our last tailor just met with a tragic accident after he failed to keep his trap shut. Apply to our chairman at 7, Traitor's Lane. Discretion preferred.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I'm following the anime on the Seikihoutai incident. Hope I got the sequence in the right order. If you are interested in what type of advice Umeko gave out before, you may want to check out the companion fic New Kyoto Post.

Of course, the Japan Bulletin staff has a shocking lack of common sense.


	7. Issue 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**SakuraShinguji:** Saitou will be back, after the Shishio incident. Till then please put up with Umeko. The jury's still out on whether she's a lunatic or not.

**Lolo: **Umeko's known for her sensible advice... well, mostly. :)

Please Read and Review! Do write in to our Advice Segment.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 7_

ATTACKS ON TOKYO DOJOS

Two local dojos were attacked by a man supposedly peddling medicinal powders. Maekawa dojo was the first to be attacked when the unknown man challenged a senior student present there. The other students were out on a field trip with their sensei. The student described the man as tall, thin with slitty eyes and a freaky smile. He was said to be speaking with a Tama accent.

When told Maekawa sensei's out, the man took out a hidden sword and threatened the boy. On finding out that he was at the Maekawa dojo, the man asked for directions to the Kamiya dojo and left muttering something about his lousy informers needing to be disciplined. At the Kamiya dojo, the assailant stabbed a street punk present in the shoulder when he learned that the occupants were out.

Dojo owner, Kamiya Kaoru was shocked to return and find his "calling card", a hole in the dojo wall. The injured man is reported to be stable condition after medical treatment. Understandably, dojo owners and their students are shocked and outraged by this chain of senseless attacks.

The Tokyo police assure everyone that our streets are safe and the person responsible will be severely dealt with.

_(Trust that Miburou to get carried away… mutter, mutter…)

* * *

_

BOMB ATTACK CULPRITS FOUND

Police in Tokyo arrested members of a local gang posing as members of the Sekihoutai and using the group's name to commit these atrocities. However, the culprits swore that they themselves were attacked by two genuine Sekihoutai survivors. They also deny responsibility for what appeared to be a jailbreak attempt. Come on, all the troopers were either cut down by musket fire in that ambush or executed as traitors. When the military silence people, they do a thorough job.

_(Oops! Shouldn't have printed that…)

* * *

_

Local Politician found Dead

Local small fry politician Shimba-or-something-like-that, was murdered last night in his room in a local inn. His bodyguard, a man of dubious repute, was also found beheaded at the threshold of the room. Police deny that eyewitnesses saw a policeman leaving the building shortly before the bodies were discovered.

_(Bleeping chain-smoking wolf... bleep) _

* * *

Amakusa Christian Association Notices

Our respected spiritual leader, Shogo Amakusa, denies that we are planning a revolt against the government. As for the minor incident involving our chief priest, we ensure you that our clergy will be subjected henceforth to strict background checks, including verification with the Vatican. We will be opening our Holy Mother Grotto to Christian pilgrims from all over Japan. Come worship in our underground cathedral with its lovely stained-glass skylight. Come receive the Lord's blessings.

Lady Magdala requests that visitors to the grotto do not deface the walls with cheap graffiti. Prayers and words of devotion are okay. She reassures everyone that she is recovering from that bad cough of hers. However, she will be going away to convalesce in a quiet seaside town for a while. She reminds all students to continue with their bible lessons and language lessons in her absence.

- Spokesperson

* * *

Advice Segment

Got several visitors this past week, including members of the Shinsengumi. Played shogi with Kondo-san and San-nan. Ryou-kun is a terrible shogi-player… Kondo kept winning. Takasugi dropped by for a chat too. Yes, I know they have passed on, but who says they do not visit?

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am bothered by a kitsune(fox/vixen)! She takes the form of a doctor's assistant and tries to score with 'her Ken-san' whenever she drops by! Help! I think I may be on the verge of forsaking my father's policy of non-violence!_

_- Kendo Gal_

Dear Kendo-san,

I can relate fully. I had the same problem with a blond bimbo once. Ano, did you try jumping in front of a sword in a desperate attempt to save his life? No, someone already did that for him. Try to fake your death or something… so he'll realize how much you mean to him.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am well-respected by my flock in my hometown. However, I find that I attract a lot of attention outside, the unwanted type. I hired a professional image consultant after that scandal involving a member of our clergy but it doesn't seem to be working. Also, the image of our group has taken quite a trashing after the scandal. Only my sister's work with the poor and needy keeps us in some of the authorities' good books. However, she is ill and really shouldn't be exerting herself… What should I do? Spending two weeks fasting and praying hasn't turned up anything, till a gust of wind blew this paper into my face. I'm taking it as a sign from the Lord._

_- Good Shepherd_

Dear Shepherd-san,

You seriously need a new image consultant. Er, you sound like a very well-traveled person. Ever been to Nagasaki? I keep hearing about a Nagasaki church flock, but I never saw a single sheep when I was there… I think... Did I mention you need to work on your PR?

- Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am a samurai who has a split personality problem. As a result, my life has been that of a ruronin for many years. Recently, I made some friends and stayed for a while in a local dojo. Gasp! I think I'm starting to finally settle down. But recently, I've been troubled by dreams of my Bakumatsu past. Is this a sign that my current happiness is in jeopardy?_

_- Shin_

Dear Shin,

Good to hear from you after all these years. I believe you deserve your current happiness. However, I regret to report that you may be facing some trouble given what I've overheard from Okubo-san and a certain baka Miburou.

- My prayers are with you, Umeko

Excuse me. I believe I have a visitor… SAITOU! Okita wants you not to neglect his cousin Tokio! Do ya hear?

_Fujita: Someone please sedate that madwoman…I'm only here because Tokio asked me to visit! Hey, are you sure it's alright to leave her in charge of the advice segment?

* * *

_

ADVERTISEMENTS:

_Wanted:_ Contractor to repair massive damages to dojo building. Apply to Kamiya Dojo. Finances a tad tight...Do you accept credit?

MISSING! Okashira. Shinomori Aoshi. Tall, very cool and handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes… (heart) If you have any information on Aoshi-sama's whereabouts, contact Makimachi Misao, the coolest ninja gal in Japan. AOSHI-SAMA! WHERE ARE YOU! (Heart-heart-heart)

_Missing:_ Ninja girl of sixteen. Ran away from Kyoto to look for her Aoshi-sama. If you find her, DO NOT approach. She is highly dangerous with the kunai and her kicks. Contact her worried family at Aoiya Family Restaurant and Inn, Kyoto.

Church of Japan Scholarship Grant. Study in Holland with the Lord's blessings. Applications limited to Christians only. This is a grant partly sponsored by Amakusa Christian Association.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

There is a bit of bad blood between Umeko and Saitou/Fujita. Will delve into that in the companion ficcie. Some of the remarks Umeko makes are based on the PMK manga storyline and _New Kyoto Post _fanfic. She knows Fujita's wife as well.

Know who Good Shepherd is? I always wondered who is his image consultant. However, he will not cross paths with the Kenshingumi. I included him in for a pan-Japan flavor. Unlike the other paper, this is a _national _paper.


	8. Issue 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Don't be too sure about Umeko. But be assured Saitou will return after the Kyoto incident. Umeko does seem to attract the wrong type of visitors, doesn't she? Well, she used to give out advice to her customers at Umeya, including some Shinsengumi members. In this issue, Kenshin writes in to Umeko for advice.

**M.Kasshoku: **Liked your letter. Umeko will answer that much later in this fic, like post-Aoiya demolition derby and Saitou has to leave his post as columnist again to arrest a white-haired punk.

**YamiChikara: **Our future samurai's letter will be answered soon.Umeko has some problematic visitors in this issue.

**SakuraShinguji: **Glad you loved it. I'm continuing on the other fic. More nostalgia coming up. Remember the Kenni-Sou friendship from ten years ago?

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 8_

His Excellency Lord Okubo Assassinated

Secretary of Internal Affairs, His Excellency Lord Okubo Toshimichi, was foully assassinated by a group of dissidents. He was on his way to an important meeting when his carriage was attacked. The nation is shocked and stunned by the audacity of the assassins. We of the police will NOT let this crime go unpunished. We mourn the passing of the last of three great patriots.

Lord Okubo's funeral and wake is slated to be held at his residence in Tokyo. His body will be interred on his family estate in Satsuma according to the wishes of his lordship. Citizens are to pay their last respects if they wish at his residence.

His lordship was an Ishin patriot based in the Satsuma region during the Revolution. His compatriots, Katsura Kogoro and Saigo Takamori, have passed on during the Seinan war. In recognition of the contributions of these three great men, Tokyo city council will be unveiling a statue in their honor in the central park on the first of the coming month. Lord Okubo was to unveil the statue. Defence Minister Yamagata will now oversee the unveiling.

We strongly deny that his lordship's death was the work of a professional assassin in the employ of a former Ishin hitokiri.

_Latest Amendment: Unveiling Postponed due to Statue Theft_

The statue slated to be put up has gone missing all that is left is a pile of granite dust on the pedestal. Frantic officials appeal for leads on the whereabouts of the statue.Witnesses reported seeing a burly monk leaving the park before the statue's loss was discovered. .

* * *

NOTICE on Death-duels

We deny that there was a showdown to the death at Kamiya dojo. We stopped both combatants in the nick of time. They will face suitable disciplinary action. We remind all citizens that death-duels are all outlawed!

- Tokyo Police

* * *

NO SILENCING POLICY

The Royalist army denies charges of silencing potential troublemakers in our employ. No one was killed to prevent info on non-existent conspiracies from leaking out during the Boshin War. What witnesses saw was simply the cremation of a dead soldier in the best way we could under those circumstances. As to charges that the said man was burnt alive, we assure you that he can't possibly live after being bashed on the head.

Please do NOT be deceived by that sleazy tabloid headed by a disillusioned wood-print artist with no talent to speak of and lesser integrity than his ahou street fighting buddy…

* * *

NO BATTLE AT MT HIEI

The government denies that an army was sent to squash a rebellion at Mt Hiei near Kyoto. The troop movements observed by the public was part of a routine military exercise. The numbers of dead reported were grossly exaggerated and the men were not killed in a fierce battle but a freak accident involving ammunitions.

* * *

Advice Segment: 

Funny thing happened. The Shinsengumi spooks decided to hold a Congrats-for-besting-Battousai party for Saitou. Then the guy walks right through them, literally. I had to console Souji. Poor boy's a bit cut up his buddy stepped through the ghost cake that he baked himself.

Then they learn that the duel with Battousai ended in a draw, which explains the man's foul temper. Saitou had suffered the loss of a tooth, many very painful bruises and a broken katana. _Thank goodness._ Okita's mood improved as well.

Thankfully, the party didn't go to waste. My brother showed up with Okubo-san. Okita talked his fellow spooks into having a welcoming party for the newly dead Okubo and called our dearly departed friends. Then Yoshida makes the unforgivable gaffe during his welcome speech by saying that Okubo had the decency to die like a samurai without being done in by some dumb disease. His gaffe earned him three swords through the gut. Okita's, Takasugi's and my brother's. _No, four._ Hijikata took offence as well over Souji.

Here's a letter.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_My former employers want me to help them out of a mess. It concerns the future of our nation yada yada… you know. Thing is, they want Battousai to kill a former colleague who has gone over the edge and wants to burn Japan or something. I've sworn a vow never to kill again. Should I take the job?_

_- Kenni the former page_

Dear Kenni,

Did a vote here, democracy and all. It's 50-50. Okubo-san and the Ishinshishi want you to do something about him. The Shinsengumi lot decided you better not go as you have definitely lost your killing edge. Okita says he doesn't want to throw a welcome party for you that soon. Have you tried talking to the guy yet?

Er, the guys decided it will be fun to re-enact some old-fashioned sword battles in my office-cum-cell. In the end, they shredded all my letters in the process. Sorry, folks. By the way, Okita strongly denies that he has any blood relation to the smiling lad who killed Okubo. San-nan! Tell Kondo and the others to keep their heads on! I mean it!

(_That's it! Umeko's mind's gone!_ Sir, how to explain all those bloodstains and sword cuts on the wall? Was that a_ head_ that just rolled through the wall! GHOSTS!)

_Exorcist Wanted Urgently._ Apply to Tokyo Police HQ. We have a MAJOR haunting in a certain lock-up cell.

* * *

_Tokyo-Kyoto Ferry Running_

We are pleased to announce that we will be running a direct ferry route between Tokyo and Kyoto as of the14th. Sail in the relative comfort of our steam-ferries. Prices are reasonable.

* * *

PRODUCT RECALL! General Carriages will be recalling their Imperial-class carriages after consumers complained that the doors do not lock properly and are liable to pop open when traveling at high speed. Carriage owners can approach your nearest General Carriages garage for installation of upgraded doors.

* * *

NOTICE: Kamiya dojo will be closed until further notice as _someone's_ been sitting about waiting to grow mushrooms. We still need someone to repair the damages.

* * *

Personal Ad

Stupid kami-damned editor of the official newspaper to quit slandering us small-time papers. Government dog! Free Aunt Umeko! Free Aunt Umeko!

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Got the inspiration for a welcome party from _Marie Nomad's _fic _Welcoming Party_. Takasugi and Okita died from TB. Katsura Kogoro died from a brain disease. Yoshida was killed in the Ikeda-ya incident. Kondo Isami, the Shinsengumi Chief, was executed. Just blame that little bit in the cell about the spooks on Harry Potter's Headless Hunt. RK Saitou has lost his psychic powers from PMK. Otherwise, he'll be doing the exorcism.

Katsu and Sano know Aunt Umeko from their time with the Sekihoutai. They used to stock up rations from her place. Another thing, Okita knew Kenshin from back then.Well, they weren't really sworn enemies. In a strange way, they were friends for a while. See _New Kyoto Post _for the details. Blame it on a community project stint at the Mibu Orphanage.


	9. Issue 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Scapegoat: **The ghosts will continue haunting poor Umeko. But they will cut down on the partying.

**A-chan, M. Kasshoku: **The question about Saitou's psychic powers remains unanswered. PMK Saitou and RK Saitou are very different. In fact RK Saitou's personality is more like PMK Hijikata. Maybe he lost them after a very traumatic incident. As to why Umeko can see ghosts now, just continue reading this fic. It will be revealed at the end. And I do entertain letters and suggestions from the reviewers.

**Yami-chikara**: Your hungry future samurai's letter made it to Umeko, finally.

Glad you folks loved the welcome party. Sadly, most of the ghosts will be returning to the afterlife after this. Thanks for the reviews! Both for this fic and the companion fic.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 9_

TRAVEL BAN LIFTED!

Hot spring lovers rejoice! Authorities have lifted the travel ban to the hot springs resort village of Shingetsu. Highways to the area are now open as health authorities declared the recent leprosy epidemic over. Villagers are eagerly looking forward to the influx of tourists to invigorate their flagging tourism industry.

In an unrelated incident, a local thug was arrested by the police for willfully destroying a villa slated for preservation as a national heritage site. Shingetsu Villa was believed to be birthplace of one of our Emperor's honorable ancestors 200 years ago. Local authorities were quoted saying it is doubtful if the villa can be restored to its former glory.

* * *

ILLEGAL LOGGING?

Kyoto National Park rangers were puzzled by the felling of several large mature trees. The trees included a 500-year old gingko, believed to be the oldest of its kind in Japan. Environmentalists pointed to illegal logging firms operating in the area recently. However, authorities found that the trees were not cut and the trunks were left where they have fallen.

In light of this mystery, experts have been called in to determine if the trees have fallen victim to an unknown fungal infection. Investigations are underway. Park visitors reported seeing a man in white with the kanji for "bad" on his back in the woods a few days before the trees were discovered. Authorities will greatly appreciate it if this man can come forward to assist them.

* * *

ROCK FIELD VANDALIZED

Several stone boulders of rare coloring and form were found smashed to bits in Kyoto's Rock Fields. Kyoto town council mourns the loss of the actual boulder on which his Imperial Majesty had carved a love poem to his consort on their visit to the region. Authorities are on the lookout for persons with explosives or a large hammer as these are the only conceivable ways to inflict such damage.

* * *

TOKYO NEWS: Tabloid offices raided!

The office of newly-started newspaper "The Whole Picture" was raided yesterday by Tokyo police. The chief editor Tsukioka Tsunan was brought in for questioning over alleged involvement in a street brawl involving a police officer outside his house last week and alleged possession of banned explosives.

Citizens! Stick with _The Japan Bulletin_ for the official truth! Do not believe the slander peddled by Tsunan and his sorry staff! Tsunan must be wishing he stuck to churning out erotic wood prints.

* * *

Advice Segment

Sagara-san and Okita-san dropped by to talk about a mutual friend's latest exploit. Okita was not very pleased that his former comrade had chosen to sit out the battle in a certain villa. Then we got the rest of the gang of mostly Umeya regulars in here. Just as well, as I may need their views on certain letters.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I live by one guiding life principle, the strong will live and the weak will perish. But I've met a swordsman who lives counter to this principle. After defeating a pointy-headed acquaintance of mine, he spared the moron's life! And this guy's like the best there is during the Bakumatsu. Is my life principle flawed? Can someone explain how a swordsman can live without killing, please?_

_- Confused Tenken_

Dear Tenken-san,

I referred your query to San-nan, Shinsengumi Vice-chief and Treasurer in life. He gives the following reply:

"_When you hold your sword, do you get the nagging feeling like a little voice is telling you something's not right? The name of that voice is conscience. Have you been following your life principle blindly? What does that voice say? That voice from the heart guides us all, be we swordsmen or not. I believe you will find your answer."_

Well, it worked for him… sorta…

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san, _

Ever since a certain rurouni left the dojo, all the adjutant master has done is sit in bed, and I'm seriously getting annoyed. I mean, her food's inedible, but there's nothing else! What should I do before I starve!

Hungry Future Samurai

Dear Samurai-san,

Tried your hand at hunting rabbits? My late brother used to from horseback. It gives him practice with his archery; another aspect of any self-respecting samurai's training. At least until that low branch wiped him out… Or you can always do odd jobs at some restaurant to get a meal.

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am the editor of an independent newspaper dedicated to exposing the truth of our government's sordid dealings and the corruption of our third-rate politicians. However, I think I have stepped on one too many toes. I suspect Chief Uramura has orders from above to shut down my paper. Am I being paranoid?_

_- Katsu_

Dear Katsu-chan,

The fact I just saw you being hauled down the corridor outside in chains means that your suspicions are well-founded. You must be doing a good job exposing those dirty dealings. Good work, keep it up once you get out!

Umeko (Waves to Katsu)

_Dear Umeko,_

_My Aoshi-sama's gone missing… I've been looking for him with no luck. Now I'm stuck traveling with a nutcase who carries a reversed-edge sword. He's heading into Kyoto on some big mission. He also hangs with a horrible cop who keeps calling me weasel! Why am I traveling with a loser? Where's Aoshi-sama!_

_- Ninja Gal_

Dear Gal,

You need a major time out. Some strange guys dropped by to insist you go home to your folks at Aoiya in Kyoto… Hey! You're that little girl with that Shinomori boy who kept throwing kunai at my restaurant in Kyoto all those years ago! You little weasel! I still owe you a spanking!

Umeko

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

To my dear Wolfie, my sake-soused, opium-addicted brother misunderstood when you brought the boy to our place. He thinks Eiji's your bastard. I trust you fully as no woman besides me could possibly tolerate you, much less bear you a child. My brother has decided to kill you. I know the cockroach is not worthy of Aku Soku Zan. Can you please have the moron sent to rehab, permanently? He's been bugging me for more gambling allowance all week.

Tokio

P.S. Will you be back for Tsu-chan's birthday this year?

* * *

Wanted Urgently: 

Top quality sword for death duel. My sword got damaged. Contact Seta at Mt Hiei. Need quality sandals too. I wear mine out at an alarming rate with my special moves. If I'm out on an errand, Yumi-san has kindly agreed to take charge of the deal. Do not get too friendly with her or Shishio-san will kill you.

* * *

Personal Ad:

Information wanted on the whereabouts of the following persons. They are believed to be residing in the Kyoto area. Contact Aoiya, Kyoto.

Master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Hiko Seijirou  
Master sword smith, Arai-san.

I seriously need your help.

Personal Notice to Kyoto Sword Museum 

NO! The answer's still NO! I am NOT contributing my katana for your stupid Shinsengumi exhibition. Stop pestering my wife! Anyhow, the katana in question is not with her but in my hands, comprehend? – Last Wolf of Mibu

* * *

_Paid Advertisements_

_In memoriam,_ Father and Mother, watch over Sayo as she walks through the shadow of the valley of death. I have certain not-so-Christian matters to attend to and will be busy for a while. Your son

_New image consultant wanted!_ Nagasaki. This is way embarrassing. I am a respected spiritual leader but I keep getting mistaken for a transvestite outside my flock. Contact Shogo via Amakusa Christian Association. _(Must have faith in God. Send me an image consultant who isn't a cross-dresser!)_ Kamatari, you are fired! And you better not have anything to do with that broken window in the cathedral…

_In memory_ of the poor children who perished in the Buddhist temple fire of… Rest assured that I will create a new world for you to be re-born into. I will chant sutras for your souls as I await further orders in the woods. Father Anji.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Sayo's illness is definitely not getting better. Umeko's drawing on her experiences in Kyoto ten years ago. I'm letting Sagara and Okita know Kenshin aka Battousai as a mutual friend. Umeko recalls some old rivalry. And isn't Tokio sweet? Maybe you can guess why Saitou ended up in his RK form.

Lots of vandalism and poor Tsunan's been arrested.


	10. Issue 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

This paper is affected by what happens in the companion paper. However, the RK manga series has ended while the PMK one is still running, so I am unsure how events in that manga will turn out. I'll be making several assumptions here, like Saitou married Tokio prior to the Meiji Restoration.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Katsu does not have that ability to see the ghosts. Just as well, considering how freaked out Sano was when he saw his taicho.

**M.Kasshoku:** Received your letter. Still thinking of a reasonable but hilarious reply for it.

**SlowMotionRunner: **Nice to hear from you. Glad you like Umeko. However, I think I'll leave your letter to our friendly neighborhood cop Fujita.

**Lolo: **Yeah, Sano has been BAD. Misao used to terrorize Umeko's restaurant in Kyoto with her knife-throwing practice as a little girl. And Umeko's biggest business rival was Aoiya.

**A-chan:** As for Tsu-chan's birthday, well, I dunno if papa will be attending that party… Umeko received your letter and gives a reply but I doubt it will be very useful…

An update!

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 10_

BREAK-IN at KYOTO SWORD MUSEUM

Kyoto's heritage suffered yet another tragic loss when a blond man in a weird red outfit broke into the local sword museum and made off with several priceless swords, including some from the Bakumatsu exhibition due to be opened next week. The culprit is described as tall, blond and very obnoxious.

He passed security check by hiding his weapon, a flexible sword, in his belt. Five museum guards were killed as he grabbed the museum's treasured exhibits. He claims to be a member of some group called the Juppon Gatana. Police are combing the city for the suspect.

Swords stolen included the bejeweled sword of the last shogun, the sword of legendary Shinsengumi captain, Okita Souji and a pair of swords belonging to a lesser known member of the same group, Ichimura Iron Boy. The spear of Captain Harada and the pistols of Ishin leader Sakamoto Ryouma were also taken by the thief. These items were later recovered from a nearby trash bin where the thief had discarded them.

* * *

Tokyo courts: _The Whole Picture_ Editor Freed

Tsukioka Tsunan has been freed after investigations turned up no firearms or explosives at his home and offices. However, the authorities were astounded by the man's skill in producing exceptional wood prints as evidenced by the collection found at his place.

The Tokyo Arts Council has offered him a grant to promote Japanese art abroad. Tsukioka declined on the grounds he wants to continue with his editorial venture. Indeed, Tsukioka has the temperament of an artist. He walked out threatening to expose corruption in the government. We assure you that any corruption Tsukioka sees is a product of his fanciful imagination.

Tokyo courts: Physician Cleared!

Family physician, Takani Megumi, was cleared of charges of gross malpractice when her thankful patient dropped all charges at the last minute. The unnamed man was nearly burnt when Takani, for reasons unknown, lit a pile of incense on his head at Gensai Family Clinic. He avoided serious injury when Gensai-sensei put out the fire.

"It's amazing! She cured my dandruff problem!" the grateful patient was quoted as saying. "I tried everything but nothing worked till now!" The man had been seeking treatment for a sprain then. However, the courts requested that Takani curb her radical medical practices.

* * *

Kyoto Court Ruling on Buddhist Temple Fires: No Case

The claim for damages by the Japan Buddhist Society was thrown out after the courts ruled that there was a lack of evidence. The society alleged a spate of Buddhist temple fires several years ago were instigated by government factions. However, no evidence was found to support the allegations.

The fires were most likely accidental in origin and caused by children playing with lighted candles on the premises. It is a well known fact that many Buddhist temples are home to orphans. As such, their deaths in these fires should be ruled misadventure or accidental, and not murder.

* * *

Advice Segment

The Shinsengumi lads have decided to leave for Kyoto. Now it is much more peaceful but I'm bored… Strangely, I'm getting loads of letters from Kyoto. Hey, guys! Keep me updated on what mission you sent Ken-chan on! _(Bangs tin mug against bars)_

_Dear Umeko_

_I am a man with an appreciation of fine swords. I collect them. They're having this sword display at the local museum that's so irresistible. I want to collect them all but my freaky-smiled roommate has orders to kill me if I do anything stupid like breaking in to collect swords._

_- Sword-lover_

Dear Sword-lover,

You need to learn to appreciate the beauty of your swords and share them with others. You can't deny those school kids from learning about our rich history, can you? Unless you happen to be a selfish jerk. In that case, your roommate's welcome to kill you any day.

Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_My father was a master smith who created swords for killing. Since his death, I have renounced that aspect of the family business and used his techniques to make kitchen knives. Someone just came asking me to craft a sword for him. He claims it involves the future of our nation. Strangely, I am inclined to believe him. However, I doubt that I will be able to craft a sword. What should I do?_

_- Kyoto Knife-maker _

Dear Knife-maker,

If I recall rightly, he left a few of his best masterpieces lying about Kyoto. Let's see… he threw one into the river… Gave one to the gods… Buried one under the cherry tree outside town… At least that's what Ryou-kun here heard from the gossips at the Kyoto Sake Shack.

Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm an old member of the We-luv-Okita club back in Kyoto. As you can understand, when Okita-sama (chokes) died (sobs) the club was disbanded. But I heard you still speak to his spirit. Can you tell him hi from all of us at the club? And can you point me out to his grave? I want to offer incense (and those candies he liked)..._

_-Still loving Okita_

Dear Okita fan,

Okita's grave is somewhere in Edo. Can't recall if it's the old Edo Public Cemetery or the Edo Buddhist Graveyard. Anyhow, just ask for directions to the Shinto graveyard… Or was it the Christian Charity plots? I must ask that boy the next time I see him…

Apologetically yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I need a secretary-cum-personal assistant but everyone in the department's too put off by my reputation to apply! And there're still no takers. I'm sick of having to iron my own uniform!_

_- Hates Housework_

Dear Hates Housework aka Wolf,

You had to pick up some nasty habits from Hijikata, including smoking. You forgot having to wash out those stubborn bloodstains first. Was that the real reason why you sat out that match at Shingetsu? Don't you appreciate your wife more now?

Umeko

PS. Do be home for your son's birthday this year. Boy needs a proper male role model. Oops, scratch that. You are anything but a good role model.

* * *

_Assorted Advertisements:_

ARAI SEIKU Family Knives. Our knives are forged using the traditional techniques handed down by my father. They can slice through radishes so finely. Fruit knives, butcher knives and kitchen knives! Our shop is in downtown Kyoto. Kindly note that we do NOT produce blades for the purposes of death and destruction anymore! We will NOT entertain such requests!

AOIYA Family Restaurant and Inn. Sample our ramen and other dishes cooked using our secret recipes. Special rates for pretty girls. We are located in scenic Kyoto central.

YUKISHIRO Enterprises. announces we are looking for local partners from the Kyoto region. Must be willing to travel to Tokyo. Bakumatsu experience and a vendetta against a certain hitokiri preferred. Apply to our representative at Yokohama Budget Mansions.

* * *

_Personal Ads:_

Yo WOLF! I'm in town! I'll even the score with you! Prepared to have that smirk wiped off your face? – BAD

_Chou. Gone to pass Shishio's instructions to the monk. Stay out of trouble. Shishio's orders. – Tenken  
__P.S. He did say I can kill you if you disobey._

Sake Shack to Hiko. Pay up for last week's sake in yen! We do not accept pots as payment.

_Reply to letter "Image consultant services to improve your image in the eyes of your followers…"  
_Kamatari. I do not want a new image. I am very happy the way I am. Hey! Are you suggesting I am a slob? Shishio.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

About Umeko's remarks in the advice segment, references to New Kyoto Post abound. She used to hang out at the Sake Shack with a certain handsome samurai. Same for her poor direction sense. Umeko also knows Saitou's wife. Image consultant to Shishio? Sounds like Kamatari better watch out…

Loved the reviews! And do read the companion ficcie for more of Umeko, Battousai, young Sano and Katsu.


	11. Issue 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Kenshin is very busy, looking for a replacement sword and seeking out Master Hiko to beg for forgiveness over what happened more than ten years ago. Read on.

**A-chan, Yami Chikara: **Yep, I like Umeko-dono too. She is the composite of various strong-willed ladies in my family. Surprisingly, she is very modern in her thinking. About those stolen swords, well, it'd be sad if Okita or Tetsu's swords got broken. Considering the trouble Tetsu went through to earn his swords. We'll see. Why does Seta Soujirou resemble Okita so much? The shocking truth!

**SlowMotionRunner: **Still thinking of that letter… well, we'll see. Maybe Umeko can find someone departed to assist her in the advice.

Read on! Your reviews are inspirational.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 11_

FRONT FULL PAGE APOLOGY NOTICE

To Master Hiko. I am a BAKA. The biggest BAKA DESHI ever. I am most unworthy of being your student. I, Himura Kenshin, aka Shinta, apologize most profoundly for failing to heed your words of wisdom and running off those years ago. Sorry I took so long to beg for your forgiveness. I disgrace the name of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. I hereby publicly admit I am a BAKA ten times over to the whole of Japan.

Himura Kenshin is a baka deshi _(x10. Gomen. Too lazy to type out)_

(Baka deshi: Please, shishou, will you help seesha now?

Master:_ I was kidding you when I told you to place that notice… BAKA DESHI!_

Baka deshi: Oro!)

* * *

OFFICIAL FIRE WARNING

In light of the recent dry spell, Kyoto citizens are reminded to be wary of fires. As most Kyoto buildings are of a wooden nature and streets tend to be narrower than most cities, fires here have a tendency to erupt into firestorms. The worst fire on record occurred ten years ago with massive loss of lives and property.

Kyoto Town Council will be organizing a fire watch. We are looking for volunteers. Sign up the Kyoto Fire Department. Skilled swordsmen with the police force will be enlisted to help.

* * *

SUSPECT IN CUSTODY

The thief who made off with several swords of historical value from the Kyoto Sword Museum was taken into custody after he was spotted by an alert member of the public lying unconscious in the courtyard of a local shrine. The stolen swords have been recovered from the cheap inn where he was staying.

He was described by staff members as being so obnoxious that his roommate, a good-natured lad, decided to leave and report the latest information they have gathered to their master. The lad is described and constantly smiling and polite. Police will like this boy to come forward to assist them.

* * *

POPULAR RESTAURANT OWNER ATTACKED

Owner of popular family restaurant and inn, Aoiya of Kyoto, was attacked by persons unknown today. The man fondly known as "Lecher Okina" to the majority of Kyoto's female population was found badly slashed in a shack by his grand-daughter after he failed to return from a fishing trip. He was rushed to the local hospital where it took several hours and hundreds of stitches to close his wounds. In accordance with the old man's prior wishes, he was taken home by his family. Doctors do not expect the old man to survive.

Police believed this incident was the result of a secret business deal gone wrong. Aoiya is under suspicion of spiking their dishes to give an addictive high for customers. However, health inspectors have yet to find anything amiss with the ingredients, although poppy seeds are suspected. The management denies that Aoiya or the Oniwanbanshu Company it is affiliated to has anything to do with drugs.

In a separate incident, neighbors complained of a late-night ruckus at Aoiya. Staff members clarify that it was triggered off by one of their number tripping on the kitchen stairs. They denied that it was an attempt on Okina's life. The local women's association branch has already sent a funeral wreath to the household.

* * *

Advice Segment

Most of the Choushu spooks have taken time off to help Okubo get used to the afterlife. Ryouma's a terrible shogi player. I won all hundred rounds. No, Ryou-kun, I'm not that good a player. Just ask Takasugi. He won against me yesterday. After my near-drowning after making a wrong turn whilst looking for Ryouma's grave a few years back, I found I had returned from death's door with this particular 'gift' for communicating with the guys. It does help to know that they haven't really left.

_Dear Umeko,_

_This is way freaky. I saw my mentor the other day. The crazy part is this. The last time I saw him was ten years ago and his head was on a bench after his execution! Am I falling ill? I was up for two nights straight smashing rocks…_

_- Spooked Sano_

Dear Spooked Sano,

I see Sagara-san's finally had that talk with you. Do remember to pick up your tab at that restaurant.

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My baka deshi never even visit me since he ran off to join a bloody revolution. Then today he pops up on my doorstep and begs me to help him. He claims it's got all to do with national security. And now he's got this crazy idea about not killing. Should I help him?_

_- Master Hiko _

Dear Master Hiko

Nice to hear from you. The last time we parted, you were half-soused at the Sake Shack. Surely, you wouldn't turn the boy down. He's not as crazy as you claim, right? After all your sword's a sakabatou too. _You aren't too sake-addicted to impart your skills to him, are you? _

_- Your fellow poetry and sake lover, Umeko _(If I ever get released for good conduct, I'd love to drop by your place for a sake and poetry appreciation session, then we'll pay that rat-den Aoiya a little visit… think it'll survive one of your moves?)

_Dear Umeko,_

_Hello again! You won't believe what I saw when I visited Kyoto! There was this young man who looked just like Okita-sama walking down the streets! Just give him longer hair and it's Okita-sama! I even heard someone address him as Soujiro! Souji, Soujiro, it's really close, and there are rumors Okita-sama went by the name Soujiro. Is it Okita-sama back from the dead? Should I give up looking for the grave and give the candy and incense to Okita-sama's supposed "reincarnation"? Ah, Okita-sama! (sparkes in eyes)_

_-Still loving Okita_

Dear fangirl,

Er, the last time I checked with the guys, Okita is still very much deceased. Here he comes now with Hijikata… My, you look pale (even for a ghost).WHAT? He just found out… (Attempts to slap Hijikata's ghost) Trust you wolves to set poor Souji up at the Tama Red Lily pleasure house on his birthday. Now he's got to deal with the fact his son's a cold-blooded killer with a rotten role model… My advice to you, girl, keep away from Okita's bastard. Now I must advise Okita on the proper thing a departed parent should do with a wayward son.

Yours, Umeko

_Dearest Umeko, _

I hear that you haven't been yourself lately. If you feel like running off with a dead rebel samurai, I would like to offer my services to the paper and take over your column. I think I might enjoy it this time around. I'm sure you can imagine how much I've learned in ten years. I'll be in touch again. Say hi to your brother for me.

Regards, Shishio Makoto

Shishio Makoto?

YOU? I shudder to think of how many lives you irreversibly wrecked with your (bleep) advice. I always knew my brother's men goofed up your funeral. Shoulda let my girls handle it. _Do burn in hell._

With deepest heartfelt curses, Umeko

* * *

_Assorted Advertisements_

Eyes of the Heart Psychic Services. Contact Usui at Mt Hiei Rise, Number 2. With luck, I'll soon be moving to number 1.

Youth wants sparring partner. Must be suitably quick and skilled with swords. I do not use shinai or bokken, only genuine swords. Also need body disposal service for my last sparring partner. Apply to Tenken, Mt Hiei.

Need a Buddhist monk to administer the final rites? Contact Anji at the small shelter at the foot of Mt Hiei. Free rites for children, especially poor children who have lost their lives through no fault of theirs from the bigoted prejudices of certain political powers.

I still need a personal assistant. Must be reasonably smart, not too nosy and willing to work odd hours. Must not be too annoying. Apply to Officer Fujita Goro of Kyoto Police Department.

WANTED! Contractor to fix shattered lock-up cell door. Door should ideally be steel reinforced. If work is satisfactory, you may be commissioned to replace all cell doors in Japan's police stations. Apply to Kyoto police station. (_Hey, are you sure that punk just threw a punch at it? This door's a pile of toothpicks!)

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

It is a folk belief in some parts of Asia that having 'died' and then returning to life kind of opens a channel between both worlds. This is my explanation of why Umeko has psychic powers after her near-drowning.

Umeko is acquainted with Hiko, being a Kyoto Sake Shack regular herself. Seta's mother was a prostitute at the brothel the guys took Okita to on his birthday as an initiation into adulthood. She later became Old Man Seta's mistress. Seta Soujirou must have inherited his biological father's swordfighting genes. I know Okita looks awfully young to be Seta's dad in RK. I'm putting his age at about 20 when he was running about with the Shinsengumi. Okita died at age 25. Soujirou's age at this point in the RK series is about 16 to 22 according to sources. Read the past issues of companion fic New Kyoto Post for Shishio's bad advice. Umeko's girls are ninja-waitresses working at her restaurant.

About Okina… well, I recall that episode from the anime where he's bothering the girls. Figures he'll be public enemy of the Kyoto womenfolk. Poppy seeds in restaurant cooking? Well, some eateries were busted for using opium in their cooking to addict the customers.


	12. Issue 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Lolo:** When I watched the Hiko-Fuji showdown outside Aoiya, I was certain Hiko's using a sword similar to Kenshin's only bigger… Oh well, Umeko may be teasing Hiko over his own no-killing beliefs.

**SlowMotionRunner:** Your letters get an answer in this issue.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Poor Okita. I think this news about his son is a bigger shock than waking up in the nude in a strange room after his birthday bash, with no memory of what on earth happened after that last cup of sake. Sake-induced amnesia. Lol. I think it's a miracle he forgave his fellow wolves for that. More on Okita's family issues.

**GirlWaterShaman: **More of Soujirou and his dad in the coming issues.

**YamiChikara: **An update as requested.

Glad the apology is so popular. More 'apologies' coming up. The ghosts are giving advice from beyond in this issue. Kyoto fires, ship explosions and more wolves.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 12_

RESTLESS NIGHT IN KYOTO

Kyoto was plagued by an outbreak of purely accidental fires last night. The fires are NOT planned acts of arson by a rag-tag army bent on plunging our nation into chaos. A few would-be arsonists were detained by our police and volunteer units. Most of the fires were put out quickly, apart from one where the local neighborhood watch accidentally threw kerosene instead of water on it. The popular tourist spot, Wolves' Den Soba House was razed to the ground.

In a stroke of good luck, the Shinsengumi exhibits and records at the Wolves' Den have been moved to their new home at the Tama's Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall. Future generations will still be able to enjoy Hijikata-san's poetry. However, Shinsengumi mascot Saizou the pig succumbed to suspected smoke-inhalation and tobacco poisoning in his pen after a visit by an old friend from the Bakumatsu era in the morning.

Current owner Takagi-Okita Mitsu, elder sister of the original owner, Okita Souji, was handsomely compensated for her loss by the relevant authorities. Ms Mitsu says that she will be channeling the sum into a program to educate the public on the hazards of secondhand smoke.

In an unrelated incident, a fifth of our Kyoto police elite were killed when breaking up a street brawl. Police will be launching their recruitment drive today to replace the fallen officers.

Kyoto Police Recruitment Drive!

All able-bodied men will be considered. Minor previous brushes with the law will be overlooked. Apply to Officer Fujita at the local police headquarters.

* * *

Notice: Exhibition Cancelled 

Kyoto Sword museum wishes to announce the cancellation of the Bakumatsu exhibition due to security fears. We regret that we have failed to meet your expectations. We apologize in particular to a member of the public who dropped by at our sneak preview and was so appalled by the way we have portrayed the Shinsengumi exhibit that he nearly Gatotsu-ed us. We wish to clarify that the letters exchanged between Okita and Saitou are _coded letters pertaining to military matters_ and _not love letters_ as we have mislabeled them.

* * *

OSAKA HARBOR EXPLOSION

A new vessel recently moored in Osaka Harbor mysteriously exploded last night. Witnesses reported seeing a policeman, a rooster haired ahou and a red-haired female at the scene when the blast occurred. A first blast was reported prior to the vessel explosion. Massive damages were done to the pier and boats moored nearby. Fortunately, no lives were lost as crew members and passengers on the stricken vessel managed to take to the life boats before the ship sank to the bottom.

Investigations are underway but poor quality shipbuilding of a Shanghai-nese origin is suspect by the owners of the vessel. Shishio Inc. Shipping spokesperson, Sadojima, was quoted: "That (bleep) bastard from Shanghai promised us a quality armored ship and what do we have? A kid throws a couple of firecrackers at us and it is scrap! This is the last time we do business with Yukishiro Enterprises!"

* * *

Notice from Aoiya: Okina is ALIVE

Okina is alive and recovering! Stop sending us wreaths and condolence letters! Aoshi, I'm sure when happened the other day was just a misunderstanding, right? Do come back!

_- New Oniwabanshu Okashira, Makimachi Misao_

* * *

Urgent Apology Notice

Mitsu, aka Shrew, so sorry about the loss of your money-spinning hog. I was wondering where I put my cigarettes. Too bad Saizou found them. 500 yen a photo? You must be kidding. I regret to inform you that you sadly lack all your brother's good traits. In fact, I wonder how a shrew like you even came from the same line as my close friend.

Don't come claiming emotional distress. You hated that pig! You dumped him with Tokio until the Shinsengumi craze started up a few years back. Then you came demanding his return. I also remind you that you abandoned six-year-old Souji at the Takagi place so you wouldn't have to raise him and never visited until his deathbed only so you could claim inheritance rights! So much for sentimental ties. Hn. Thankfully, Okita had the foresight to will everything to the Mibu orphanage, except Saizou for fear he may be reduced to bacon for the kids and his sword that he gave Hijikata.

Further condolences on the loss of your tacky Wolves' Den Soba House. Your soba is a disgrace! I'm thankful Shinpattsan got the foresight to cart everything of importance out under the cover of darkness to Tama. If you happen to be looking for your deadbeat sake-soused husband, yes, the one you married before you discovered his daimyo father disowned him, he is on the one-way boat to Hokkaido for attempting to assault an officer and harassing his wife for money.

Er, happy third birthday, Tsu-chan. Sorry Papa's got work as usual.

_(Mitsu: I demand that (bleep) apologize for this slander! SAITOU HAJIME! You bastard!)

* * *

_

Advice Segment

Got a certain Kohagi Inn waitress in here to advise poor Souji-chan on what to do with his newfound son. Mrs Himura has, after all, been caring for a wayward sibling from beyond the grave. Another letter from the Kyoto area.

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_I traveled to Kyoto from Tokyo after this man I have feelings for (blush). I am worried for his safety because he is going to fight this very dangerous criminal. He is currently training under his master. He was good during the Bakumatsu, but I fear that he might be killed! What can I do to help? Or will I be hindering him?_

_- Shy Girl_

Dear Girl,

Sigh, this is the same dilemma we women have faced for centuries. Men go fight for their beliefs, die for their beliefs. What you can do is to believe in him. If possible, hold the home front. Keep things in order at home so he can go fight with an easy mind. That will be your mission. Do stay safe.

_- My prayers are with you, Umeko_

(OH NO! First Ryou-kun, then my bro and now Kenni-chan… When will it end? WAIL…

_Okita's ghost: Er, I think we better help Umeko-dono… let's see...)_

_Dear Umeko, _

Life has become dull now that the Meji era has been set into full swing. No one needs my services anymore as a bodyguard, and I don't know what I can do to fill this void. What do you suggest?

Bored Swordsman

Dear Bored-san,

Apply to Officer Fujita Goro for the post of personal assistant-cum-sparring partner. That way, Hajime-san will have something else other than terrorizing the poor police clerks and petty criminals to keep his skills sharp.

Okita Souji, former 1st Capt Shinsengumi (_Tomoe-san, I think this other one's your field)_

_Dear Umeko, _

I have reason to believe that my long-lost brother is alive, but he is dabbling in a life that is dishonorable and full of shame. What should I do?

Confused sibling

Dear Confused-san,

Confront him and talk to him. Sigh. You have it so much easier, being alive. I try to play guardian angel to my kid brother but he can't hear me. I try to send him to our aunt's place in Nagoya. He hi-tails to Shanghai! I try to set him up with a good family there, he blows it! Now he's running about with some gangsters, and he still asks why I'M NOT SMILING! Whaddya want? Me to throw vases or screech in a highly unladylike manner to get the message through to you?

Tomoe

Editor's Note: Umeko has suffered a breakdown. We need a replacement columnist. Apply to Tokyo Police HQ.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Long time no see! Surprised you dropped by at my place that day. Rest reassured we at the Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall will carry out your request on the artifacts and records. Do drop by for a sparring match. I get so bored writing my memoirs. Will love to have your views on our little place before I move to Hokkaido to open a branch of our kendo school.

– One of the Trio

_Reply to Ad: Shinpattsan, writing your memoirs? I fear the years have made you soft like tofu. You wouldn't last two minutes against me. Still, if my work allows, I will drop by for old times' sake. Of course, it'd be very embarrassing if you threw your back again.

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

Big mistake on the exhibits. No wonder Saitou's peeved.

Memorial Hall? Shinpachi's memoirs? Nagakura Shinpachi, 2nd Capt Shinsengumi, survived the Bakumatsu and went on to write his memoirs later. He also moved to Hokkaido.

Poor Tomoe… Enishi just doesn't get it, doesn't he. Anyhow, he should be in Shanghai still, so he missed his neesan's spectacular outburst in the national Japanese paper. I don't think Okita should bank too much on Tomoe's advice pertaining to his wayward son. At least Okita will be re-united with his pet pig.


	13. Issue 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**GirlWaterShaman:** Er, you do realize Saizou's gone to join his master now, don't you? More on the pig in this issue. More Soujirou in the coming issues, trust me.

**SailorEarth13:** Can't resist poking fun at Saitou. I mean, Okita and Saitou were kinda close in the RK OVA. They always patrol together. Of course, PMK Saitou was more of a loner. And PMK Okita hangs around Hijikata rather than Saitou.

**YamiChikara:** Er, can that German doctor do anything about my Muse? She whispers inspiration into my mind on a 24 hr basis and it's seriously starting to bug me. Ever tried reading some boring but important work documents then having a mental image of the RK and PMK cast doing something wacky? I'm getting sick of having to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

**M.Kasshoku:** I think Okita's more riled about the fact his son's working for a maniac bent on destroying Japan. If he finds out about that rotten childhood… Ah well, at least Kenshin (Kenni) talked some sense into the boy.

**Lolo:** More on Saizou and Tetsu coming up. And you thought the Saizou-Tetsu interaction was over. More PMK wolves…

Pet funerals! More fires and street battles. A striptease at Aoiya? All in this issue.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 13_

FIRE at MT HIEI

A large fiery explosion occurred at Mt Hiei outside Kyoto city limits three nights ago. The cause is unknown. The area was privately owned by the leader of a secretive group known as the Juppon Gatana. A monk and a local businessman turned themselves in to the local police confessing involvement with the group. They have been taken into custody.

The businessman, known as Sadojima Houji, claims that the victims of the fire included his boss, Shishio Makoto, his consort, Yumi, and a local psychic, Usui. He claimed that a police officer, a hitokiri, an okashira and a street punk were involved in the fire and should be brought in for questioning.

Police doctors later determined that Sadojima was suffering from a state of severe shock. He has been detained for medical treatment at Kyoto prison.

POLICE HEADQUARTERS FIRE

Three days ago, a mysterious fire broke out at Kyoto's police headquarters. The fire was believed to have started when a cigarette butt set off a chain reaction in the ammunitions store. The building was not attacked by a giant as witnesses claimed. The figure of a large samurai was a trick of the sunlight on the vast quantities of smoke from the fire.

The temporary police headquarters are at the Civil Works Building. Applicants for posts in the police force are still welcomed to apply. Our recruitment drive is still on! Apply to Constable Chou as Officer Fujita has left on personal business.

* * *

FIERCE STREET BRAWL OUTSIDE AOIYA

Kyoto police were called to Aoiya after a particularly fierce street battle three days ago. Officers and paramedics were shocked by the scale of the destruction wrought. There was a twenty-foot crater in the street and the nearby Aoiya Restaurant and Inn was totally demolished. Surrounding buildings suffered severe structural damage.

Local morgue keeper Kitsu-dono remarked that she had not seen destruction of such scale since the Bakumatsu. She was surprised that despite many serious injuries, there were no deaths. A reason for the low death toll was that apart from Aoiya, the neighborhood had been evacuated for a local fire drill. Authorities deny that the brawl was anticipated. The injured included a young girl with broken ribs and a boy with severe burns to the back. However, they are expected to live.

Police arrested several suspects involved in this brawl and brought them in for questioning. Investigations rule out any involvement with Aoiya's inhabitants. Authorities hereby state that Aoiya is a legitimate business with no links to ninjas, drugs or hitokiris.

In a separate incident in the same neighborhood, a white-haired giant was arrested for gross indecency when he strolled through the street in a very revealing outfit. He also shed parts of his outfit in public. Two women present were shocked by his impromptu striptease. However, they soon recovered from their fright and were later seen plying a large man in a white cape with sake. The giant is charged with indecency and faces a jail term in Hokkaido.

* * *

_Disaster at Shinsengumi Mascot's Funeral_

Yesterday, a dignified ceremony at Mibu pet cemetery for the recently deceased Shinsengumi mascot, Saizou, was thrown into chaos when mourners discovered that his last owner, Okita Mitsu, had skinned the porker and sold his hide to a foreign businessman as a piece of Japanese history. Members of the cortege rushed to the nearest port only to discover that the buyer had already sailed off.

The deception was uncovered when a careless pallbearer, Ichimura Tetsu, tripped and dropped the casket. It was discovered to the horror of those present that the pig had been skinned. Ms Mitsu made use of the mad rush to the port to escape. Chairman of the Shinsengumi Veterans Club, Nagakura, swears that he and other former Miburou will not let this rest.

As current laws do not offer protection to deceased pets, it is unlikely Mitsu will be charged. The ceremony was attended by a representative of the Meiji government, Hijikata Musashi, and many Bakumatsu veterans. Hijikata Musashi is the nephew of the late Shinsengumi Vice-chief and a rising star in the new government. He was visibly outraged and was seen stabbing his umbrella into the shrubbery in an attempt to locate Ms Mitsu. He muttered something about getting one 'Saitou' to look into this outrage.

In addition, a ninja messenger arrived with a piece of ill news for a mourner, Takagi Tokio. It claimed her husband had perished in a fire. The poor woman was overwhelmed with grief and it took the efforts of almost everyone to talk her out of stabbing her throat with her silver hairpin. It was discovered with the arrival of a blond weirdo two hours later that the earlier message was false.

Then it was discovered Takagi's young son had gone missing. They found the lad sleeping three hours later in Hijikata's parked carriage. When everyone finally remembered the deceased porker, wild dogs had made off with the remains.

Rest in peace, Saizou. You will be sorely missed._ (Muahahahaha…)

* * *

_

Advice Segment

Umeko-san's still feeling under the weather, so we got Miss Takani Megumi, a local physician with Dr Gensai's clinic. She will be handling the letters today.

_The Japan Bulletin Editor_

Hi, I am Takani and I will be answering your letters in Umeko-san's stead.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I have a problem with my husband. He is a policeman and his work takes him away for months on end. It's very hard on me and my son. He is a chain-smoking workaholic. And he's been after this Battousai guy since his Shinsengumi days in the Bakumatsu. Do you have any ideas how to tame his wild nature? I worry that he isn't as young a wolf as he used to be._

_Worried She-wolf_

Dear She-wolf,

You actually married that creepy cop? Oh dear. For his smoking habits, I suggest the nearest Smokers' Anonymous. Honestly I suggest a divorce. You sound like a steady and independent female. You don't need to rely on that loser.

Takani

_Dear Umeko,_

_Aoshi-sama is not paying attention to me! I think he hates me! Help!_

_Misao_

Dear Misao-san,

Please! You actually like that Shinomori ice-man? What's it with you women out there? Look at Ken-san, now that's a man! KEN-SAN!

Takani

Editor's Notice: Takani-san has left suddenly after receiving a letter from Kyoto. We are now looking for a temporary columnist until Umeko recovers. Apply to the Tokyo Police HQ.

* * *

_Obituary: _

I'm doing this one last favor before I skip town.Do forgive me if I'm too blunt. Here goes.

Shishio-san, Yumi-san, rest in peace. I don't know anything about heaven or hell. But I guess you do end up somewhere. As for the moron Usui, I passed your place on the way out. Thought you made a rotten wall hanging. I thought you were psychic. Why didn't you see it coming? Seta.

* * *

Employment: 

Aoiya currently accepting bids for major reconstruction works. Apply to Makimachi Misao on site.

_Employment Opportunity!_ Accepting bids for re-constriction of Kyoto Police HQ. Also seeking debris-removal crew for certain streets. Apply to Kawaji at Civil Works Building, Kyoto.

* * *

Educational Opportunities:

Want to expand your horizons? Are you a star student? If so, apply for Sakamoto's Student Exchange Grant. This is a grant established in the memory of Sakamoto Ryouma, a Royalist who was assassinated for his beliefs. With government sponsorship, study in colleges in America and Europe. See the world, then return to serve your nation in our civil sector.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

More references to PMK. Okita-san must be turning over in his grave for sure. Well, at least his worries about his offspring have been taken care of, sorta, by his friend Kenshin. I assumed Tetsu made it into the Meiji era. Saitou's wife's reaction to the news of his demise is a bit extreme. Poor Saizou. Skinned, dumped, and eaten by dogs. Okita's sis can't be very nice...


	14. Issue 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

Glad the funeral was a hoot! Muahahaha… Special thanks for the inspiration of a pet funeral from _BarbaraSheridan_ and _MisBehavin_. Well, at least someone missed Saitou. RK Saitou's one of the most difficult persons to get along with.

**GirlWaterShaman: **About Saya and Tetsunosuke, well… I dunno, yet. Maybe Saya will make an appearance… and maybe Suzu too…

**YamiChikara:** If you're reading this, my Muse has been running amok in my head waving Shinsengumi banners and mimicking Hiko.

**M.Kasshoku:** Yes, poor Saizou. Okita's sis isn't very nice. And Tetsu had to drop the casket.

**Lolo:** Soujirou hates Usui. I think the only persons he likes in the group are Shishio and Yumi.

**Sailor-Earth13: **I will be following the manga storyline, with occasional side references to the anime events (eg. a certain Christian group, the ninja clan medicine of life etc). Okita has some words for his son in this issue.

The friendly neighborhood cop is back at his post answering letters! A morgue robbery and wanted notices? A message from the spirit world? And more crazy ads! Read on!

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 14_

From the Editor's Desk

Sorry for the two-month delay in this issue as we have to divert resources and manpower to our Kyoto headquarters after certain happenings in and around the area. We deny that there was an attempt to overthrow the Meiji government. Do not be deceived by the pack of lies some tabloid has been spreading! We need editorial staff members who are not police officers! Apply to me at the Tokyo offices.

We are saddened by the loss of our columnist Umeko-san as she is still undergoing treatment for emotional distress caused by the last letter she answered. It brought back memories for her, _really bad memories._ However, we have brought back our friendly neighborhood cop, Fujita Goro. Fujita-san has agreed to answer your letters as he recuperates from injuries suffered in the line of duty.

_Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

_

HOKKAIDO: LAND of OPPORTUNITY

Want to start life anew? Move to Hokkaido, northernmost province of Japan. The region is fertile with rich mineral deposits.

We are looking to the establishment of agricultural settlements and development of the land for mining. Settlers will be given a generous sum to set up housing and farms.

Hokkaido's new district governor, Hijikata Musashi, states that he wants to change the image of Hokkaido as a place of exile. He invites would-be settlers to move to the region known for its harsh climate. "Come let us work together for a better life in this Meiji era. The climate's great for apple-growing and goats. And we have rich gold and mineral deposits for mining!"

It is noted that Hijikata had been posted there after he ordered a crackdown on all stray dogs after a funeral disaster about two months back. The crackdown was halted abruptly after a pet dog belonging to the German ambassador to Japan was accidentally shot.

* * *

_Kyoto Morgue Pillaged_

The local morgue was broken into two nights ago. Morgue-keeper Kitsu-dono was horrified when she arrived for work at dawn and found corpses mutilated and entrails strewn all over the place. She has enlisted the help of the newly-established Shinomori Private Investigations in addition to police help. The motive is a mystery as nothing of valuable was taken, only body parts.

We are horrified by the disrespect shown to the dearly departed. We extend our condolences to the friends and relatives of the persons whose bodies were the victims of this foul crime. Rumors blame a cult of devil-worshippers for this outrage. Authorities are on the alert for any disturbances in the area. The public is advised to remain calm.

* * *

_Wanted Persons: _

The following persons are believed to be involved in terrorist activities. Notify police if you have any information on their whereabouts. They are highly dangerous criminals.

_Iwanbo._ Large male with round built. Believed to be hopelessly stupid. Often seen with a stupid grin on his face. Drags arms on ground when walking like an ape. Last seen bouncing away from a street brawl in Kyoto near Aoiya.

_Seta Soujirou._ Young male with a constant smile. Deceptively innocent appearance. Very dangerous swordsman. Believed to be number two of the terrorist group Juppon Gatana. Last seen casually strolling northwards from Kyoto.

* * *

Notice: Wanted Woman

Looking for middle-aged shrew of a female aged fifty-plus. Name Takagi-Okita Mitsu. Thin, quarrelsome hag. If you are reading this, know that you're a shame to the good name of your brother. How could you do that to poor Saizou! Souji must be turning over in his grave. Contact Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall, Tama or Shinsengumi Veterans Club, Mibu.

* * *

Advice Segment

I am back to answer your letters of distress while Umeko-san's institutionalized for medical treatment. If you have forgotten me, I am Fujita Goro, friendly neighborhood cop.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_You were known for your wisdom in those troubled years. I feel I am being unfairly treated by the government. After my wild-dog eradication drive ran into problems, they packed me off to Hokkaido! I think I am being slighted because of my family ties to the former bakufu government. What can I do? All my petitions went unanswered. Should I, you know…_

_Nephew of a Miburou_

Runt,

Hn, are you really that eager to follow in your late uncle's footsteps? Understand that if you try any funny stunts to destabilize our current government, I'll be obliged to go to Hokkaido on a business trip and see to your funeral. Aku Soku Zan.

Fujita

_Dear Umeko,_

_I still can't get over my sister's death at the hands of her husband. I have taken your advice and left Kyoto for greener pastures, like Shanghai, but after so many years, I'm still grieving for my sis! And what really bugs me is seeing the murderer walking about and cohabiting with some young woman._

_Furious Brother_

Are you a man? You let your sister's murderer walk free for so many years? You're not even worthy of my advice.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I have a problem with a beast of a relation by marriage. First he ships my husband, the son of a former daimyo, off to Hokkaido. Next he poisons my money making hog with his foul cigarettes. Then he insults me in the national paper! So I hated that pig! I hated my baka kid brother! But why can't I use them to make a small fortune? Those toothless Miburou don't have a monopoly on things! Umph!_

_Takagi-Okita Mitsu_

Shrew,

You are the complete opposite of the ideal Japanese female. Knowing you is my biggest misfortune as it was Souji's for having you as a sister. Your only saving grace is you made me realize how lucky I am to have Tokio. Contrary to your belief, not all wolves are fangless. Rest assured if our paths ever cross, I will zan you.

_Your relation by marriage, the last true Wolf of Mibu_

EDITOR'S NOTICE: We deny that Fujita Goro is a former Captain Saitou of the Shinsengumi. He is just an average policeman with a special permit to carry a katana and special instructions.

* * *

_Personal Ad_

Leave me be. I'm trying to look for my path just as Himura-san suggested. I don't believe I'll find it in a jail cell so I'm not turning myself in yet. You guys be nice to Anji-san, okay? He's not that bad a guy. I really hope he's doing okay in Hokkaido.

Soujirou

* * *

Personal Ad:

Shinomori! You had to go inform my wife about my death prematurely, didn't you? You scared the wits out of her! She has a weak heart. Do you want me to do the like for you? Nay, I guess that weasel-girl will most likely throw a party in honor of your demise.

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Looking for lodgings. Yokohama Budget Mansions will not do for our boss. Must be reasonably large, with a large ceiling-free basement. Privacy a priority. Storage facilities for gunpowder and arms preferred. Contact Yukishiro Enterprises at Yokohama Budget Mansions.

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Looking for a long lost friend? Suspect your wife's cheating on you? Need some information not readily available? Contact Shinomori Private Investigations via Aoiya, we are affiliated to the Oniwabanshu Company. _(This should cover Aoiya's rebuilding costs…)

* * *

_

10-Yen Obituary Notice:

To the Wolf. Yo. Rest in Peace. Sorry we couldn't find your remains for the funeral, so we decided to save on the expense.

Bad and Kiddo

(Sano! That was my money! Shut up, kiddo.)

* * *

Notice: From Emiko, Kyoto Psychic

Received this message very strongly from some departed Shinsengumi man. Contents are as follows:

_Dear Seta Soujirou, er, I'm sorry about not being there for you all these years. I just found out that something did happen at that place where my buddies held my birthday bash. Kenshin is right about you needing a timeout. So please, stay out of trouble. I tried to talk to Saitou, but the man's not listening. (In fact, he kicked his shoes through me.) Stay out of brawls, don't break any laws… Don't come looking for me yet. If you need help, approach the Sheiken Dojo of Tama. I hear they are a bit short on assistant kendo teachers. Use a bokken there, okay?_

_Sincerest apologies, your departed father, Okita Souji_

_(Arigato, Emiko-san. Sorry about zanning your husband those years ago…_

Emiko: Okita, if you didn't do him in, I would've.)

And then I got this one from some departed Ishin chaps, including Okubo, Sakamoto and Katsura Kogoro.

_Quit bullying Umeko!_

EDITOR'S NOTICE: We will not entertain frivolous ads by so-called psychics as of now!

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

The ex-Shogunate army made their last stand in Hakodate, Hokkaido in1869. It was led by Hijikata Toshizou, who died in battle. From _New Kyoto Post_, Okita and Tokio are distant cousins. So in a way, Okita and Saitou are related by marriage. And Okita's sister married Tokio's brother after the Bakumatsu. Will write more on that in my other fic.

The Kyoto morgue keeper Kitsu-dono and the Kyoto medium Emiko-san were featured in my other fic, _New Kyoto Post._ Another message from the dead? Okita trying to do his bit as a father? Too bad Tomoe didn't get in touch with Emiko-san.

Someone just got in from Shanghai. Enishi and the Jinchuu arc coming next.


	15. Issue 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**M.Kasshoku:** Your friendly neighborhood cop is back.

**SailorEarth13: **Somehow, given Saitou's character, I can't picture anyone killing his sister and living to see the next sunrise. Saitou will gatotsu him in some dark alley the very night before going to attend his sister's funeral. Enishi has a reply for our friendly neighborhood cop. Enishi and gang will liven things up. May return to Soujirou later.

**Lolo: **Yeah, Saitou's back for now. And the morgue incident is Gein's work alright.

**YamiChikara: **An update.

**Axa:** Enishi and gang make their move.

Gas explosions and morgue thefts in Tokyo? In Kyoto, Hiko learns the price of being attractive. More advice from yours truly.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 15_

TOKYO: MYSTERY RESTAURANT BLAST

Popular family restaurant Akabeko of Tokyo was the victim of a random act of violence. Witnesses saw a bright flash followed by a large boom. Fire units rushed to the scene to find the smoldering ruins of the restaurant. Fortunately, the Akabeko Restaurant was closed for personal business on the night of the blast and no one was injured or killed. Authorities ruled out a gas explosion as the neighborhood was not supplied by gas-pipes.

The source of the flash was pinpointed coming from a sacred tree on the hillside overlooking the city. The sacred tree was snapped in half. Superstitious folks claimed that it was the work of evil spirits. However, police on the scene found traces that it was a manmade occurrence.

A note found at the site read "Jinchuu". Members of the public are requested to be on the lookout for suspicious characters in town. Currently, business rivalry has been ruled out as a motive. Restaurant owner Sekihara Tae insists that Akabeko will be operating from a temporary location near the Soba Place. So customers can continue to enjoy their hotpot beef-bowl. Investigations are underway.

* * *

MORGUE BREAK-IN

The Yokohama morgue was broken into for reasons unknown. Morgue workers found body parts missing from corpses being embalmed or prepared for funerals. As such, families recently bereaved are requesting that their dead be quickly interred without the usual embalming. It eerily resembled a similar incident at the Kyoto morgue.

In a separate incident the new grave of a young woman was found vandalized by her horrified parents. The girl had perished from a chronic illness of the heart a week ago. The parents are demanding leads on the criminals who had dug up their daughter's grave.

In an unrelated incident, five people were hurt in a riot and a Shimabara Nagasaki Christian group's offices were vandalized after accusations of devil-worship and grave-robbing were hurled at the group.

One of the injured was the Dutch envoy to Japan, who was a guest speaker to several would-be exchange students under the group's sponsorship. Investigations are underway. Members of the group were taken into protective custody as police appealed for calm.

* * *

GAS BLAST AT POLICE CHIEF'S HOME

Tokyo chief of police Uramura was severely injured when an explosion ripped through his residence two nights ago. His wife and daughter escaped injury. The explosion is believed to be caused by a gas leak in the building. Do not be misled by allegations of a government plot to assassinate Chief Uramura. That was purely a fabrication by that rag of a cheap tabloid. The would-be assassins had nothing to do with the Meiji government. They are some guys with a personal vendetta, _not directed at our chief._

We guys at the Tokyo Police department wish our chief a speedy recovery and extend any help to his family in these trying times. Rest assured that the perpetrator will be punished. The swordsman Battousai has agreed to assist us.

_(Hey! It was a gas explosion wasn't it?)

* * *

_

BRAWL AT MAEKAWA DOJO

A brawl broke out at the Maekawa Dojo two nights ago when a punk challenged the students to a free-for-all fist fight. The dojo was previously embroiled in the 'Raijuta Incident' and another incident involving a sword-wielding salesman. Twenty-five of the dojo's residents suffered injuries, including the dojo owner Maekawa-sensei.

The fight was broken up when an irate neighbor from the Kamiya dojo came to complain of the racket. Unfortunately, the punk made his getaway when an accomplice threw a bomb at the building. The Maekawa dojo will be closed for rebuilding. The Japan Kendo Association will also be carrying out investigations to determine if the dojo has done anything to warrant removal from their registry.

_(Maekawa junior students: Sensei! My parents are worried Kamiya dojo's bad karma is rubbing off on us! They want us to quit.)

* * *

_

Advice Segment

As usual the soba here sucks! Even that Ichimura pup can turn out better soba. Hey! This is ramen! I wanted soba! And what's this, seaweed? It feels like a rag, tastes like one too…

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_My past as a hitokiri has caught up to me. My brother-in-law wants to harm those close to me and he's threatening to blow up Tokyo. You see, I killed my wife by accident those years ago. I have vowed not to kill and to protect the happiness of those around me. But I fear I may have to kill Enishi…_

_Ruronin Kenshin, for now_

Dear Himura,

You are way pathetic! Your brother-in-law's a gangster and arms dealer. How come I am not surprised? Figure out your own messes. Pah!

_Not Fujita_

P.S. We still have some unfinished business from the Bakumatsu, from a certain old soba place. I'll appreciate it if you live to see to it.

_Dear Fujita,_

_I am very, very disappointed by your reply to my letter. I DO have a plan to totally crush Battousai! I and my comrades will bring down jinchuu on him. He will suffer! Muahahaha!_

_Avenging my Sis_

Hn, and I thought Shishio was crazy. Understand, Avenging-san, that if you disturb the fabric of our peaceful society, this friendly neighborhood cop will be paying a visit to you. Aku Soku Zan.

* * *

Personal ads:

Yo. I'm a street fighter in Tokyo. Need myweapon fixed! Meet me Zanza lunchtime at the temporary Akabeko. Will PAY!

_In loving memory of my sister, Yukishiro Tomoe. I still miss your smile after all these years. I find solace in the knowledge that the man responsible for your death will soon suffer my wrath!_

To the waitresses of Aoiya, I am happy being a bachelor and a hermit! Quit dropping by my place all hours of the day and night. Thank you for the sake, but, seriously, I am considering moving to quieter surroundings if this keeps up. It's interfering with my pot-making. _(Argh! When did you girls get here?)_

_Kamiya Dojo not accepting bids for renovations anymore. We decided to D.I.Y. _

Plagued by ill fortune? Need to improve the fengshui of your building? Contact Fengshui Master Jinpo at the Wind Chime Hut, downtown Tokyo. Also have charms to improve your karma if you have accumulated bad karma from a past as a hitokiri. If you're from Kamiya dojo, I'm willing to drop by and check out your place for a small fee.

_Chou. Meet me at the usual hangout.

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

Oh my, poor Maekawa dojo has the Kamiya dojo ill fortune rub off on them. Kenshin writing in to Saitou for advice? For what happened at a certain soba store, it was very painful for Saitou. Going for his regular soba lunch, running into Battousai, getting kicked in the jaw by Battousai… read the companion fic for further details.

Someone PAYING? Are pigs flying?


	16. Issue 16

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**YamiChikara:** Kenshin was trying to write in to Umeko. He hasn't heard about her breakdown from Megumi or the others yet. He obviously hasn't paid her a visit.

**SailorEarth13: **Kenshin purposely used his real name so Umeko will have no doubts as to the exact nature of his problem. She knew all about Kenshin and Tomoe from back then. He should have used Kenni or the Page as his alias. But then Saitou wouldn't know it was him to give him a reply…

**M.Kasshoku: **Sano paying for lunch? _Not in a hundred years, too bad, Tae_. He was referring to paying for the repair of his Zanza (that large sword he used to challenge Kenshin back then). Kenshin broke it in the following battle. Our columnist's gonna apologize to his wife now.

**Lolo: **Yep, I like the Jinchu arc, too bad it appeared that they didn't do an anime on that part of the manga. Reluctance to conclude the series?

An obituary. Eulogy by Myojin Yahiko. Your local tabloid editor gets more flak from the official authorities.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 16_

TOKYO: Brawl Death at Dojo

A brawl at the Kamiya dojo in Tokyo ended in tragedy when the dojo owner, Kamiya Kaoru was killed. Eyewitnesses stated that the dojo was attacked from a hot-air balloon and that several freaky-looking persons challenged the dojo's residents. A police officer arrived on the scene mid-way through the brawl.

The mastermind, a gangland chief from Shanghai known as Yukishiro Enishi, made his getaway under a smoke screen after he challenged Himura Kenshin, a freeloader at the place. It is believed that Miss Kamiya was stabbed through the heart by Enishi as he made his getaway in the smoke.

However, police managed to arrest three dangerous criminals and a monster. They also recovered a weird puppet thingy. Forensics has taken the evidence in for analysis. The three criminals will be charged for causing harm to persons and property. Officer Fujita is making arrangements to send the monster off to Hokkaido where its unusual body structure will assist in the mining industry there.

A young man and a student were injured in the brawl and are currently being treated at local clinic. _Tsunan! The police got there on time okay? Kindly stop accusing us of incompetence or you will find yourself in a cell in scenic Hokkaido_.

* * *

OBITUARY: Big Turnout at Funeral of Local Girl

Hundreds turned up for the funeral of local girl Kamiya "Tanuki" Kaoru. Miss Kaoru was murdered at her dojo a few nights ago. She was a kendo instructor of the Kamiya Kassim Ryu, _Sword of Life,_ kendo school. We will miss the sight of this spunky young woman as she chases her housemates through town with her trademark bokken. Her best and only student Myojin Yahiko delivered the following eulogy for his sensei.

"Kaoru-san, my respected sensei, know that you are sorely missed by all. Indeed I will miss the constant whacks from your bokken as you try to impart your wisdom to me. I will also miss the nights of agony after consuming one of your home-cooked meals stuffed full of your love, _and some dubious ingredients_. Kaoru-san, you were a violent hag in life who delighted in bullying Kenshin , Sano and me into doing the housework. Still we miss you…"

Another close friend, Takani Megumi, was quoted as saying: "Kaoru! You promised not to get killed for Kenshin's sake! How could you! What's worse, he has run off without giving me a chance to comfort him!" The distressed woman was escorted off by a street punk.

The street punk was later detained by police after he smashed a photographer's camera while screaming that his soul was being stolen. The exasperated photographer, known to be reporter of a local tabloid was quoted as saying: "Sano! For the hundredth time, cameras do not steal souls! That was _The Whole Picture's_ only camera! Now I have to capture the funeral in wood-print! And what have the police done to catch the murderer of Miss Kamiya? Their top cop just sits about smoking!"

Officer Fujita assures all that they will look into this foul murder and all leads will be pursued. He requests that two young ahous quit harassing him and his men. "Rooster-head, don't you have your own gang of ahous to look for that person? Quit pestering me." He will share any information on the case with them as he deems fit. As for a certain tabloid reporter, he better watch his step or a broken camera will be the least of his worries.

* * *

MIBU: Shinsengumi Grave Marker Goof-up

Members of the Shinsengumi Veterans Club were left red-faced when a young out-of-town visitor pointed out an error in the grave marker at Mibu pet cemetery for their proud mascot. The marker dedicated to Saizou, the pig mascot of the group, read "_Saitou the Pig_" instead. The marker was commissioned by the Veterans Club. It was alarming how the mistake went unnoticed for so long.

The sharp-eyed youngster, who called himself Ruronin Soujirou, was seen grinning with mirth as the marker was hastily removed. The boy broke into all out laughter when Nagakura, former Second Captain of the Shinsengumi, put out his back from the effort. Soujirou claims that he was on his way to Kyoto to pay his respects to several deceased acquaintances, including one who had committed suicide in jail recently.

Surprisingly, the boy was offered a role in the latest play by the Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall for his uncanny rendition of the late Okita's trademark smile. The play has been on hold for months as the producers were unable to find someone suitable to play the role of Okita Souji.

"He is perfect! He has captured Okita-san's playful side with such panache! And he's been trained in kendo too," stage manager and director Ichimura Tetsunosuke was quoted. The Hall will be holding auditions for a pig to play Saizou. Mrs Ichimura is also putting out a request for ankle and shin guards as well as steel-cap boots for her husband.

* * *

YOKOHAMA BASEMENT HORROR!

Authorities were called to a mansion in Yokohama after neighbors complained of a foul stench from the premises. They found the building apparently abandoned. The stench was traced to the basement which an unnamed blond constable described as a butcher shop. Human remains were found strewn over the floor and furniture. Investigations are underway. Police appeal for information as to who had rented the mansion.

* * *

Advice Segment

I am busy! Uramura's on medical leave and I got to cover for him as well… Quit writing in with your pathetic problems!

_Dear Cop,_

_No one appreciates my realistic, beautiful and powerful dolls! Pah! I can make a doll so realistically you can't tell it from a real person! I have built a puppet that will be the undoing of the greatest of warriors! But my current employer doesn't give a damn about my art! I think I'm in danger of being retrenched! How can I make him more appreciative of my contribution?_

_Great Doll-maker Gein_

What? You're still playing with dolls? Get a life! I have better things to do than reply to an egoistic excuse for an artist! In fact I hate artists, especially that wood-print artist turned editor… Hey, Tsunan! I do not pick up blond weirdoes in shady soba shops as you chose to put it! Spread such lies again and I'll drop by your place to put you out of business permanently.

_Dear Wolfie,_

_I'm married to a certain policeman/advice columnist who nowadays, can't seem to check-in for at least 5 minutes to let me know that he's still alive. The last time he came home he dumped a kid on me and then took off again! I do realize that his work is dangerous, and I know that he's very busy but I did get a little restless when I didn't hear word of him at the end of his last mission. It makes me wonder about our relationship. Before I was able to actually marry him he kept postponing our wedding date! What are your thoughts on this? _

Not Mrs. Wolfie

Er, I got to attend to some personal matters so I referred the rest of your letters to Umeko-san at her padded cell in the nut-bin until further notice. Good luck as to whether she is sane enough to give out any decent advice.

(Know anywhere I can get my wife's favorite French bon-bons? A pair of seats at the theater will be nice…)

_Dear Fujita-sir,_

_Our friend Kenshin has gone missing. We can't find him. He was badly hurt and we fear for his safety. You see, he also suffered a severe emotional shock with… sob… Kaoru-san's… death… Can you find him please?_

_Tsubame_

Dear Tsubame,

Rest assured that Kenshin is alive and fully able to care for himself. He just needs some timeout.

Yours, Umeko

Hey, Ken-chan, you better buck up! Your friends are waiting! Please, think of her!

Editor's note: Write in to Aunt Umeko while Fujita's away on official business. Contrary to rumors spread by some two-bit tabloid rag, we treat her very well. She has free food, board and medical attention. All courtesy of our terrific Meiji welfare system.

* * *

_Assorted Advertisements_

Kamiya-san. Found the book you wanted. On our way to deliver the goods. Making a detour to pay respects to Hannya and gang. Try to stall that angry brother-in-law or other. – Shinomori Private Investigations

MISSING: _Himura Kenshin aka Himura Battousai. Last seen in a deep state of shock, wearing a pink gi and white hakame. If you have any information on his whereabouts, contact us at the Kamiya Dojo or Gensai Family Clinic immediately. He is severely injured and needs immediate medical attention._

To WOLF, pay up for that 10-yen for the obituary ad! – BAD

FOR LET or SALE: Kamiya dojo land parcel. Need massive rebuilding of buildings. Small and cozy. Apply to my buddy, Yahiko_. (Kamiya dojo can't be finished… Sano! Where are you off to? SANO!)

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

Assumption: Tetsu survived the Bakumatsu and had a career change. Mrs Ichimura? Guess who…

Soujirou returns! As to Souji, well, Emiko the psychic isn't allowed to put out ads in this paper any more. Maybe Okita's guiding his son along here. I mean, Soujirou actually stopped at the Mibu Pet Cemetery? Thank you to MisBehavin for the Saitou-the-Pig grave marker. Poor Nagakura. He is getting old.

A certain okashira and his young charge are a tad late. And never ever get Yahiko to give a speech at the funeral.


	17. Issue 17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**SailorEarth13: **I am glad my attempt at bringing humor to an otherwise somber issue worked. Yes, Tetsu and Saya are married in this fic. More later from the PMK cast?

**Lolo:** What makes you think Tokio's that patient?

**YamiChikara:** Yeah, Saitou's busted alright.

**M.Kasshoku:** Knowing how clueless Tetsu can be… well…

**GirlWaterShaman:** Yahiko sure sucks at eulogies.

Veteran services? Cemetery explosions? Killer litter? Misao needs to improve her aim? What about aromatherapy treatments for former hitokiris? Read on!

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 17_

TOKYO CEMETERY BLAST MYSTERY

Tokyo Public Cemetery was rocked by a fiery explosion late last night. The cause of the blast remains unknown. Several grave markers were destroyed by the force of the blast and the ensuing fire. Police arrived on scene after the fire burnt itself out. Authorities deny that the blast was the result of a ninja death-duel.

The epicenter of the blast is near the grave of Kamiya "Tanuki" Kaoru, a kendo instructress who was murdered about a week ago. Rumors are rife that a drugged Kamiya was seen being carried onto a ferry after her funeral. However, a highly-skilled doctor has confirmed that Kamiya is definitely dead at the murder scene.

Kamiya Kaoru is dead, _period._ A certain okashira is requested not to spread outlandish tales of realistic dolls crafted from dead bodies by request of an annoyed physician with a local clinic. Old wives are requested not to spread rumors about zombies or other ghost stories. You are scaring the children.

Ina separate incident several nights ago, a night watchman passing the cemetery on his rounds reported several shadowy figures with spades on the grounds. He did not hang around to find out more under the belief that they were spirits. The figures were described as two tall, one middle-height and two short.

* * *

KILLER LITTER: Girl Charged

In Tokyo, a young woman, Makimachi Misao, was held for killer litter when she threw a spirit tablet and altar out of a local dojo. The tablet narrowly missed hitting a local policeman. Officer Fujita Goro recounts the incident: "I was patrolling near the Kamiya Dojo when this _weasel_ throws this spirit tablet out. If it weren't for my quick reflexes honed by my years in a Kyoto peacekeeping unit, I could've been severely wounded."

The perpetrator is described as a ninja with a long braid. Her guardian, who claimed to be an innkeeper from Kyoto, explained that she was in a state of emotional instability caused by a revelation about the death of a friend. As she was considered a minor, she was sentenced to two weeks' community service instead of a fine. She was overheard muttering: "Must improve aim, must improve aim…"

* * *

National Health Board Bulletin 

We urgently need qualified physicians willing to work in the Aizu domain. Our fees are so-so but you can really make a difference here. Our current health facilities are understaffed and overworked. We assure you that we do not have any prejudices against the citizens of the Aizu region and we are trying our hardest to cut down infant mortality rates there. Currently, the child mortality figures for Aizu are the second highest in Japan, next to Hokkaido's.

We will accept applications from men and women alike. Past brushes with the law will be overlooked. Must be dedicated and willing to serve the people. Apply to the nearest National Health Centre branch.

* * *

NOTICE

Tokyo Land Developers wish to state that they will be building modern-type houses on the land parcel outside Tokyo city limits. We will be accepting bids for construction once we have cleared the illegal squatters on the site.

_WANTED: Brave, strong men willing to take on fifty-plus desperate ronin-type losers from the worst slum-area in Tokyo. Will pay for medical and funeral expenses._

_

* * *

_

_New Play at the Hall_

_The Vice-chief and I,_ the latest play by aspiring stage-manager-turned-director Ichimura Tetsunosuke, will be debuting at Tama's Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall. The play has been touted as a comedy. The opening will be scheduled to coincide with the opening of the new Memorial Hall Museum building. Proceeds from opening night will be donated to Mibu Orphanage. Tickets are on sale now at your nearest Bakumatsu Veteran Affairs Office.

* * *

Notice from the Bakumatsu Veteran Affairs Office

The Veteran Affairs Office informs veterans still suffering from nightmares as a result from their years as a hitokiri or from similar occupational trauma that we have launched a new aromatherapy treatment course to sooth your troubled minds. Let the delicate fragrances of lavender and other herbs relax you and ease your pains. The course will be subsided 60 percent by the Veteran's Fund if you worked for the Ishin. We regret that the same rates do not apply to members who worked for the Shogunate unless you have proof that you are currently employed in the Meiji government's service.

_Special notice to Saitou Hajime:_

You have missed all your appointments since last year. If you wish to end your treatment, kindly let our psychiatrist certify your recovery. Do not try Gatotsu-ing him like the last time. And quit going on and on about your unfinished business with some red-haired Battousai guy. Your _Aku Soku Zan's_ freaking the others out, considering some of them are on your list of to-zans.

* * *

Advice Segment

Fujita, or Saitou, is still busy, so I am still handling the letters from my ward. At least the food here's better than what they dished up in the lock-up. Must get recipe from the nurse. The Shinsengumi spooks took off to Tama for old times' sake, and catch some play about their vice-chief. Hijikata's not too happy… Okita is very glad about a friend talking some sorely-needed sense into a certain promising youngster's head and that youngster finally falling in with a better crowd… Er, Okita calls his retired wolves a better crowd… _(Sweat-drop)_

_Dear Umeko,_

_I don't know what to do. My sensei's dead, my friend Kenshin's taken to living in a rubbish dump. We tried to talk him round but he isn't listening. Doesn't he know his wounds will get infected if he doesn't get them treated? And my other friend, Sano's skipped town. He advised me to skip town too as everything at Kamiya dojo is finished. Is it?_

_Kamiya Dojo Student_

Dear Student,

I will get Kenni's late wife Tomoe to speak to him, if she drops by. He will come round soon. As for Sano, if he hasn't changed in ten years, he'll be highly-strung and raring for a fist fight. So it is best he goes out of town to relieve his stress. You don't want Fujita to haul him in for brawling in Tokyo, do you? Don't give up yet.

My prayers are with you, Umeko

_Dear Miss Umeko, _

I live in a place that shall go unnamed (suffice to say that its name begins with a 'R'), and recently a silent man with bright red hair and a pink gi showed up out of nowhere and sat down against a wall. I can't seem to get him to do anything at all, not even move! What should I do?

Old Man

Dear Old Man,

Sounds like your friend is in a state of shock. Try aromatherapy. Maybe a soothing white plum fragrance?

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am a waitress at an inn in Kyoto. I recently met this amazing man and I fell totally in love with him on the spot. He is so powerful, regal, drop dead gorgeous, and he's a master of this fabulous ancient sword style. The problem is that my co-worker seems to have the hots for him too. She and I get along and everything, but I think my feelings for Hik- UM! -I mean this man, are much more sincere. Now, she knows how I feel about him but she insists on pursuing him anyway. Gr! I'm about to fling every single shuriken I own at her! _

Ninja Waitress

Dear Ninja,

Tried asking the man yet? Ask him first. If he chooses you, you can rub it in your co-worker's face. If he chooses her, you can use your shuriken on the both of them. If he is still undecided, take pre-emptive action. All's fair in love and war.

Amused, Umeko

* * *

_Assorted Advertisements:_

Black Skeleton Gein! I demand a refund! The little-sister doll you sold me for my daughter has started giving off a foul stench and turning up maggots! If not, I'll sue you in the Small Claims Court! Master doll-maker indeed! Pah!

WANTED: _Tough guy to beat up stubborn old coot in a highway post town. Be warned that the coot is a good fighter and has already taken out six of my fighters. Apply to the chief at local gambling hall next to Sakura-ya Provisions, Shinshu. _

NOTICE! Kamiya Dojo NOT closed! I, Myojin Yahiko, will be giving kendo instruction in the Kamiya Kassim Ryu, once I get registered as a qualified instructor by the Japan Kendo Association. Anyone knows the minimum required age? WHAT? 15?

Fellow ninja Misao-chan, I appreciate your interest in purchasing our product. However, it appears you are mistaken about my clan's special _Medicine of Life_'s properties. Our secret concoction does not bring the dead back to life. It is a tonic that promotes good health and boosts immunity against illness. However, I strongly discourage it if you intend to purchase it for a certain lecherous old ninja. For that old lecher, I recommend our new _Libido-down_. Lady Ayumi of the other ninja clan from the mountains wishes you the best.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

The Vice-chief and I? Directed by Tetsu? Hijikata will be turning in his grave now. Pre-emptive action? Oh dear…

I threw in the ninja clan medicine arc in there as well, but apart from that bit of exchange between Misao and Lady Ayumi, there will be limited future contact with the ninjas from mountains. Libido-down? What better medicine to get Okina?


	18. Issue 18

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Lolo: **I thought Kenshin can'tbe the only guy suffering from post-battle syndrome. Too bad they didn't have much success with Saitou. Man needs counseling to help him cope with the Meiji-era Kenshin.

**YamiChikara: **Aromatherapy doesn't seem to be working for Hajime as it worked, sorta, for Kenshin.

**Swirly:** I'm using one of the several common spellings for ruronin, rurouni etc.

**SailorEarth13:** There will be reviews after opening night for the play. Just enjoy the ads for now.

**M.Kasshoku: **Umeko has recovered a bit. The spirits are still dropping by even at the mental institute. About Tetsu and his star actor, there will be more about them in the reviews.

Yahiko's a hero in this issue! And more on Sano's whereabouts. Hiko has some problems… More of Umeko's advice.

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 18_

NOTICE FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

Due to certain incidents, we are currently operating out of temporary offices in the Civil Works Building. Send in your suggestions, ads and letters to _The Japan Bulletin_, Civil Works Building, Tokyo. We also need editing staff and reporters. Interested? Apply to the same address.

The police will also like to remind citizens that they will be operating from the Military Headquarters for the time being while their building is undergoing re-building.

_Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

_

TOKYO JAILBREAK: Unlikely Hero

An insane prisoner broke out of Tokyo Police HQ's maximum security lock-up three days ago. He stole an Armstrong Cannon-cum-Grenade Launcher from the Confiscated Goods Room and attacked the officers who tried to arrest him. The police building was destroyed in the battle and several officers were seriously wounded as the criminal rampaged into town. Police ordered a hasty evacuation of the city to keep casualty numbers to a minimum.

However, the deranged giant was stopped by a small band of police constables led by a young boy from the local Kamiya Dojo. In what can only be described as a heroic effort the likes of which was unheard of since the Bakumatsu, the young lad inspired the cops though his courage in taking on the giant continuously despite suffering terrible injuries and being severely out-matched.

A small boy was rescued from certain death when our young hero shielded him from a grenade blast. Our severely wounded hero was nearly killed if it weren't for the timely intervention of a red-haired ruronin. The ruronin managed to talk down the madman, who submitted quietly to police custody.

Several buildings were damaged during the few-hour-long rampage, including Tokyo Police HQ. The ruronin and the boy hero were taken to the nearby clinic for treatment. The boy's name has been released as Myojin Yahiko, a student of Kamiya dojo. It is not known if the boy will live. The identity of the ruronin is withheld by authorities.

Police reassure all citizens that steps will be taken to increase lock-up security. Moreover, this incident was a pure fluke. There is no cause for panic or alarm. Other dangerous criminals are still safely locked up.

* * *

_WANTED PERSONS ALERT!_

Police want information on the whereabouts of the following persons who DID NOT escape from the lock-up during a certain incident. Contact Constable Chou via the Sword Collector's Club, Tokyo. They are highly dangerous and should not be approached. Their descriptions are as follows.

_A transvestite with thick make-up, long hair and a tacky outfit. Carries a magnetic sword sheath. Known for using hidden weapons._

_A street punk in camouflage fatigue rompers. Hair in dreadlocks._

_A monster, literally. Very long arms with claws for hands. Has sharp teeth and a freakily long tongue._

Constable Chou is on orders to kill them if need be. It will be a prime opportunity for him to try out his nice new sword. Chou, rest assured your funeral and medical expenses are covered under your employment scheme. I have no time to chase after small fry. - Fujita

* * *

ISHIN OFFICIAL AND NEPHEW BASHED

An Ishin official visiting the town of Shinshu was severely battered when an intruder broke into his mansion. His guards were also wounded in the unprovoked attack. Authorities are looking for a punk with the word BAD on his back to assist in investigations.

In an unrelated incident, the official's nephew, M, a local sumo wrestler was found badly beaten on a hillside outside the same town, along with 149 of his fellow wrestlers. It is unknown who was responsible for the attack. Sources have it that M and his men will be leaving the town after failing to conclude a land purchase, _once they can walk.

* * *

_

AKU FAD! Town Finds Courage

BAD fever has hit the small waystation town of Shinshu. Small boys pestered their sisters and mothers to sew the kanji for BAD on the backs of their clothes. "Niichan gave us back our courage!" One young girl was quoted as she sewed the word on her brother's shirt. "He taught all of us to stand for our beliefs and never to be cowed."

It was understood that an unnamed youth came into town and left just as quietly. Townsfolk claimed that the youth had saved a girl from a mob of gangsters outside a provision store. "Though he may be a wanderer, we consider him a son of our town. Indeed he is a son of the common people," a town leader was quoted.

However, authorities suspect that this folk hero may have run afoul of certain laws and request for information on his whereabouts. Tales of his courage and superhuman strength are nothing more than the romantic fancies of a couple of bored townspeople in a rural settlement.

* * *

Advice Segment

I am glad to receive visitors, as always, especially old friends from Bakumatsu Kyoto. Tomoe dropped by but she needed to rush off and speak with someone…

_Dear Umeko,_

_My pretty gals are ignoring me! Misao's gone out to Tokyo with her Aoshi-sama. The other gals have been neglecting me! I'm stuck with the two Aoiya waiters. They wouldn't let me to pick up any of our female customers. And when I try to chat up the pretty women in the street, they use pepper-spray on me! Where are the willing, pretty gals?_

_- Ji-ya_

Dear Ji-ya,

You sound like a lecher, hentai and pervert, just like that Okina of Kyoto. As one-time chairwoman of the Women's Association of Japan, I declare you a hazard to women of all ages. _(Pepper-spray, pepper-spray…)_

Totally disgusted, Umeko

_Dear Umeko, _

_I am being pestered by two female ninjas! Help! I'm considering migrating to America or somewhere, really, really far away. It was fun at first, seeing they are pretty gals. But now it is ridiculous! They jump me whether I am in the tavern or the bath! What should I do?_

_Helpless Hiko_

Hiko,

You always bragged about being a babe magnet. Looks like you attracted some real interesting problems. Considered actually settling down? You aren't exactly a young buck anymore. You'll need someone to take care of you when you overdo the sake and pass out on your doorstep.

Very amused, Umeko

* * *

Advertisements

MISSING: A moron by the name Sagara Sanosuke. Obnoxious punk with a right hand he really shouldn't be using. If you have information on his whereabouts, contact Megumi at Gensai's Clinic, Tokyo. _Sano, do not misunderstand. I'm placing this ad on Yahiko-kun's behalf. I regret still that there is no cure for your stupidity. _

BIDS FOR REBUILDING. Businesses in Tokyo Central and Police HQ Building. Apply to Tokyo Town Council.

EMPLOYMENT! Police officers in Tokyo. Apply to our temporary offices at the Military Headquarters. Rest assured that you will not be packed to Hokkaido, yet. We need you for patrol duties in town.

NEW PRODUCT. Libido-Down. The perfect medicine for those oversexed men. Our secret medicine is concocted from all natural ingredients by our leader Lady Ayumi. One dose is guaranteed to tame those hentai thoughts for 12 hours. No known side-effects. On sale at all pharmacies!

A comedy of errors involving the Vice-Chief's haiku book, his first captain, the page and a pig. _The Vice-Chief and I, _the latest play from the Hall. Coming soon! Tickets at all Bakumatsu Veterans Offices! You'll never look at a Miburou the same way again.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Constable Chou got work to do. Saitou's a hard taskmaster alright. Dunno if they had mace back then. Expect a record breaking sale of Libido-down in Kyoto.


	19. Issue 19

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**M.Kasshoku: **Oh they will…

**Lolo:** Sadly, the Jinchuu arc is drawing to a close. This fic will be ending soon. And the Megumi exchange with Sano is a classic.

This is the second last issue. (sob) Enjoy. I am thinking of writing an insanity fic about a talk-show where the characters from both this paper and the companion can thrash issues out. Something like Umeko's Kitchen LIVE! Any comments? Suggestions for issues?

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 19_

POLICE SUCCESS

Crackdown on Arms Smugglers

The Japanese police force and navy cooperated to bring about an astounding success in the war against illegal arms smugglers when they broke up an arms smuggling outfit. The two naval frigates cornered gangland chief Yukishiro Enishi and his minions on a small island off the mainland of Honshu. The sea surrounding the island was booby-trapped with mines and one of the frigates became a casualty when a mine went off under her hull. Fortunately, casualties were kept to a minimal.

Special operations officer, Fujita Goro, led a boatful of specially trained personnel onto the island to confront the gangsters in close combat. Most of the action was over when the main force arrived on the island. Due to security and safety reasons, the identities of those involved in the initial attack unit will not be released.

We vehemently deny that the group took a woman and two minors onto the island in their initial attack unit. We also deny that a former hitokiri was involved and that the whole mess stemmed from a personal grudge against Hitokiri Battousai held by Yukishiro.

Yukishiro and several of his henchmen, including second-in-command, Wu Hei Sin, were taken into custody. Yukishiro's gang was based in Shanghai. He must really be regretting this business expansion abroad. They will be charged in a Japanese court for their crimes.

A young woman the gang had kidnapped to work as their housekeeper and cook on the island was rescued. Yukishiro was overheard saying the woman's housekeeping and cooking skills, or lack of, were not worth the trouble of kidnapping her to begin with and that he should have settled for hiring a maid through regular channels.

In an embarrassing turn of events, when the frigate docked on the mainland, police were shocked to find their prize captive Yukishiro Enishi gone. Authorities suspect that he may have committed suicide by jumping off the ship at sea, or else his less-than-happy business partners gave him a send-off. As such, no warrant will be issued for his arrest.

Citizens rest easy. Officer in charge of the operations state that Yukishiro is not a threat and that you need not be alarmed by a certain tabloid's reports of escaped arms dealers.

* * *

_Amakusa Christian Association Notice_

We are NOT devil-worshippers. We do not pillage morgues or dig up graves. We have tenets against such things in our faith! We fear the riot outside our Nagasaki branch offices arose from a misunderstanding of Christian theology. Eternal life referred to in our sermons mean life of the _immortal soul_ in heaven, the Lord's kingdom! Not some twisted earthly existence as a zombie or the like.

We bid farewell to Lady Magdala who died of her illness last week. She was buried in a quiet ceremony in the Christian cemetery. Lady Magdala, the younger sister of our respected leader Shogo, was well-respected in the local Christian community for work in education of the young. Rest in peace, Lady Magdala.

* * *

NO Merger! German MNC snubbed

After intensive discussions, the merger between Black Knights International and a local medicine manufacturer will NOT happen due to suspicions of a hostile takeover bid in the near future by the German MNC. The spokesman of Black Knights insists that it is a big misunderstanding caused by his drunken bodyguard and asks Lady Ayumi to return to the negotiating table. The lady told him to pack his bags and leave Japan before she throws her kunai at him.

* * *

Edo Cemetery Disturbance

Two visitors to the old Edo Cemetery were embroiled in a morning scuffle. The men involved were named as a Himura Kenshin and Officer Fujita Goro. It was understood that both men were there to visit the final resting place of a mutual friend, Okita Souji. Okita was a legend in his own right. One of the youngest captains and a legendary swordsman in the Shinsengumi, he perished of TB in an Edo hospital and was buried in the cemetery.

Both men acknowledged that the deceased was a close friend of theirs, but they denied having anything to do with the Shinsengumi or the Bakumatsu in general. Police were called in to break up the squabble, the cause of which is unknown. Both men agreed to discuss their unfinished business elsewhere at a later time, away from their friend. Okita, rest in peace.

* * *

Advice Segment

Umeko here, perky as always. Ryou-kun, Kogoro-chan, I can find my way around, you know. I DO NOT get lost!

_Dear Umeko,_

_Your advice sucks but I'm desperate. I have always wanted to settle my duel with Battousai in the Aku Soku Zan tradition. I have found him after ten years but the man's changed. We have actually fought twice on the same side! Now he's got this no-killing policy. Should I proceed with the duel?_

_- Wolf of Mibu_

Wolf, define Aku of Aku Soku Zan. See any Aku (Evil) in the boy now? Battousai is gone into the shadows of the Bakumatsu. Get on with the times, wolf. Take your family to watch a play or something. You've been neglecting them. For shame!

_Dear Umeko,_

_My boss is a jerk! I've arrested the three dangerous criminals like he requested but the guys at Evidence will not let me keep that cute magnetic sword set! I risked my life but my boss is siding with the Evidence guys! I want my sword set…_

_- Blond Cop_

Since this is a communication breakdown problem in the police force, I referred your letter to the acting officer-in-charge while Uramura is on medical leave. Who is that officer by the way? Never mind… Feel kinda sleepy… Zzzz…

_Hn, Chou, you sound worse than a certain redhead page from my days in that other peacekeeping unit. Want a toy sword? Pipe down or I'll use my sword on you. _

_- Your boss (Must remember to pick up Tsumoto from pre-school…)

* * *

_

AOIYA KARAOKE NITE

Aoiya OPEN! Swing by at our restaurant and inn for good service and food. We will be promoting our Karaoke Nite special on Thursdays. Ladies' night is on Fridays. Rest assured _someone _will be dealt with.

– Okon and Omasu, Public Relations

_P.S. Hiko-sama (heart). Free sake flow for you daily. Free room too! Want room service? (Blows kisses)

* * *

_

SECURITY SERVICE: Need an elite bodyguard squad? Contact us at Four Stars Security Escort. Our four-man teams are highly trained and protect many leaders across the world.

* * *

FOR RENT. Island with tall cliffs, sheltered inlet and secluded location. Lavish mansion overlooking inlet. De-mining of surrounding waters required. Contact your nearest Government Land Office.

* * *

MAID SERVICE. Need a nanny? Housekeeper, cook or personal assistant? Contact us at Hotaru's Maid Agency. _Kindly note, certain old perverts, that we are not a 'geisha' ring!

* * *

_

FENGSHUI SHOWDOWN! The Water vs. the Wind Clan. Who will triumph? The battle of the century will be held at the hill outside Tokugawa family shrine. Spectators are reminded to keep at least twenty feet from the arena to avoid being hit by stray ki blasts.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Enishi should have hired a maid through regular channels.

Amakusa Christian Association is still being plagued by trouble after Gein's shopping trip to the morgues. Mass hysteria-induced riots in Issue 15 have forced them to put up this notice. Side references to the ninja medicine and fengshui.

Poor Okita. Having your friends (refer to New Kyoto Post) do a death-duel at your grave can't be good…


	20. Issue 20

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ruronin Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane.

**Lolo:** Actually, the New Kyoto Post is ending with a few more issues. Better hurry up. Umeko's Kitchen LIVE will be in the RK category.

**Maeko-Nohara:** Katsu's still running his tabloid and getting on the nerves of a certain officer. Outa's cute. Tetsu's in for a rough time. Hiji-sama wouldn't even need to throttle him in his dreams over the comedy. Sadly, the Kenshin-gumi broke up after the Jinchuu arc in the manga. Sano going off to see the world and all that… Peacemaker Kurogane the manga is still running, but I will stop around Ryouma's assassination.

**YamiChikara:** Are you referring to Reflections? The one where they kill off poor Kenshin and Kaoru? I think not. Of course, it'll be hilarious if Kenshin gets mistaken for Shishio by Umeko and booted off the Umeko LIVE… Nah, I think I prefer Kenshin alive.

**Queeney:** This is the last issue… But I will write an insanity fic based on this and the companion fic, New Kyoto Post.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Oh yes, the opening night of a former page's play. And he still doesn't know why his new actor is the splitting image of Okita-san.

**M.Kasshoku:** Saito's gonna get into more trouble. Sou and Kenni had a duel in the _New Kyoto Post._ Midnight at Kyoto Tower. Ended in a draw of course.

**SlowMotionRunner**: Nice to hear from you. Sadly, Umeko's no longer with us. However, she may answer your letter in the insanity fic I'm planning. Oops, Saitou didn't say anything about the tombstone, yet…

The opening reviews of the play _The Vice-Chief and I, _by Suzu K? Back from the dead shocks! This is the last issue for reasons our chief editor will list. Any Chinese or Korean readers… please don't hurt me. Down with the (bleep) Japanese revisionist history textbooks! A nice bonfire anyone?

* * *

_The Japan Bulletin_

_Official Meiji Government Flagship_

_Issue 20_

FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

We regret that this is the last issue of our paper as I am being restored to my former position as Propaganda Chief. My current staff will be following me to the propaganda office. Sayonara. _We will continue to do your best churning out textbooks and other publications to brainwash, I mean, educate our future soldiers. May they do our nation proud by invading, I mean, liberating our neighbors. _

Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

OPENING NIGHT FIASCO!

The opening night of the comedy, _The Vice-Chief and I_, ended in chaos when a member of the audience tried to Gatotsu an actor. The actor, who was playing Okita, made a very speedy getaway. The would-be attacker, a police officer, was removed from the theater. He claimed that the actor in question was a dangerous wanted criminal.

The same officer then turned on the play's producers, Harada and Nagakura, yelling, "Morons! The pig's name is spelt S-A-I-Z-O-U! How could you mess up?" The play had to be closed. The officer responsible for the disturbance will be transferred to Hokkaido after an evaluation of his mental health.

"_Ichimura Tetsunosuke did it again! You were a failure as a page, swordsman and friend. Add director to the list, old chum. Your little disaster of a play was so well-received that your fellow wolf decided to Gatotsu the actors. I have been watching you since you embarked on your career in theater and I am glad you gave me a reason to rub it in your face." -_ _Black Cat Reviews_

Renowned play critic, Suzu K, flayed the play and its director in his scathing article for the local magazine. Director Ichimura was described as inconsolable. The vice-manager, Ichimura Saya, refuses to comment. Play producer, Nagakura remarked that the last time he saw such a look, it was on the face of Tetsu's elder brother.

In an unrelated incident the next day, director Ichimura and critic Suzu K. were engaged in a fist fight in a busy street. The brawl resulted in Suzu K. been hospitalized and Ichimura being arrested. Ichimura's wife was also arrested when she assisted her husband by stabbing Suzu K. in the back with her hairpin. The couple will have charges of aggravated assault brought against them. According to various eyewitness reports, they have been provoked by the critic's lewd remarks on the parentage of their son. _Suzu K. was definitely asking for it.

* * *

_

Back from the Dead Shocker 1

Tokyo

Yesterday, a clerk at the Tokyo Registry of Marriages was hospitalized for shock when a Miss Kamiya Kaoru came to register her marriage to one Himura Kenshin. Miss Kamiya Kaoru was believed to be dead but investigations have shown that it was a colossal mistake. Kamiya Kaoru is very much alive as evidenced by her threatening to trash the office when clerks pointed out that an "Oro?" from the groom did not qualify as an "I do." We remind Kamiya to de-register her death with the town council or her marriage will not be recognized.

Back from the Dead Shocker 2

Kyoto

Older Kyoto residents were terrified last night by the sighting of Okita Souji's ghost. Okita perished of TB in 1868. The deceased Shinsengumi First Captain was seen strolling in the group's trademark blue and white uniform. He stopped at a shop for some red-bean cakes before getting a change of clothes from a tailor on credit. He asked that the uniform be returned and the bill be charged to Sheiken Dojo Memorial Hall. Both the cake-shop owner and the tailor declined to bill the ghost. Okita said that he is going to roam the wide spaces of the north, possibly even Hokkaido. It comes as no surprise as the Shinsengumi made their last stand in our northernmost province.

* * *

WANTED!

Sagara Sanosuke. Tall, spiky-haired punk. Wanted for assault. Contact your nearest police station. And this is not an ad placed by Officer Fujita Goro. Officer Fujita does not stalk street punks like Sagara, like some tabloid alleged. _Neither is Fujita cheating on his wife with an ahou!

* * *

_

Obituary: Katsura Umeko

Katsura Umeko, fondly known as Aunt Umeko, has passed away peacefully in her sleep in Tokyo's Institute for the Mentally Ill. Her funeral was held in Tokyo Public Funeral Hall. The large turnout included many of the Choushu Ishin leaders and several former bakufu officials and their family.

Among them was Takagi Tokio, daughter of the late daimyo of Aizu, and her young son. Her husband, rumored to be the famous Saitou Hajime, was conspicuously absent. However, many of his former Miburou colleagues showed up for the ceremony.

A red-haired man by the name of Kenni, who claimed to be the former page of the deceased's brother, gave a stirring eulogy praising her wisdom and generous nature. Aunt Umeko's remains are to be interred in her family plot in Choushu district.

_Tsunan! Don't you dare slander Umeko-san in your sorry tabloid!

* * *

_

Advice Segment

I was asked by Chief Uramura to do this segment. I am Kamiya Kaoru. I am very much alive, thank you. And my dojo's still open. Please, we're accepting students!

_Dear Umeko, _

_My sensei still treats me like a kid! I have been in not one, but four fights to the near-death. I don't see why I have to wash her underwear when I helped Kenshin save her from that Enishi creep. I will become the best swordsman in Japan, after Kenshin, of course. What should I do?_

_-- Not a brat_

Yahiko,

First I want you to clean the floor. Next, do the marketing. Next, wash the laundry, including my underwear. If you still have time after that, clean out the old storehouse. Do remember to dispose of that Iwanbo puppet suit Sano dumped in there. After you have done all your chores, I'll give you a pointer or two in discipline.

Your sensei

_Dear Umeko,_

_It's me again. I have gotten over Tomoe. I have found a special girl I want to marry. However, I feel a bit awkward popping the question. After all, her association with me brought her nothing but danger. First Jin-e, then Shishio's Juppon Gatana in Kyoto, then Enishi. At least I am sure Battousai will not be popping up now. What should I do? I can't just walk up and say "Will you marry me?"_

_- Ruronin_

Kenshin!

I WILL MARRY YOU! _(Runs off to drag Kenshin to the Tokyo registry of marriage)_

_Dear Umeko, _

I am an artist that does portraits for a living, and for a while I was doing fine. But, one night, someone filled my booth with erotica pictures and completely ruined my reputation as an artist! More people seem to be coming to my booth now, but...That's not what I wanted to be known for! I don't know who did this, and I don't know what I'd do if I found him! Please help me!

Flustered Artist

Editorial Team: Kindly give us the address of your booth and we'll look into your complaint. Can you give us a discount?

* * *

_Advertisement:_ Ferry service between mainland ports and large sea-going vessels. For those of you who need to flee the heat after beating up some big shot. Contact your nearest gambling den for details.

* * *

KAMIYA DOJO accepting students now! We teach the Kamiya Kassim Ryu, Sword of Life. A _non-violent_ kenjutsu form! Please apply, we have plenty of vacancies.

* * *

Personal Ad  


SANO! Pay up your debts before you go! I'm definitely not picking up your tab! – Katsu

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Aoshi-sama. Roses are red, violets are blue. Kamiya and Himura're a pair now, how about me and you? – Misao

_Personal Ad:_

To hyper-genki ninja girl. Violets are blue, roses are red. He treats you as a little sister. Please get that into your head. – Ji-ya _(please don't throw kunai at me)

* * *

_

_In Memoriam._ Okita-san, rest in peace. We still miss your wackiness about the old dojo. Er, rest in peace, too, Saizou.

– Shinsengumi Veterans Club

* * *

ANNOUNCEMENT: 

Ichimura Tetsu, you are the _biggest cuckold_ in Japan. Your wife's very well-known in the cheap brothel where she worked for MORE than her shamisen skills… How should I put this? She gives very good massages in bed…ask your Miburou pals. Ever realized your son's hair color is more Nagakura's shade than yours? _(SUZU! TAKE THAT BACK ABOUT MY SAYA! BASH! POW!)

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

Poor Tetsu, he's still gotta deal with Suzu being out to get him after all these years. At least Saya's there to support him. Of course, the reporters can't get a word out of Saya. She has not said a word throughout her appearance in PMK. She either mute or very quiet.

Well, this is the final issue of the Bulletin. Arigato and Sayonara.

Do drop by for Umeko's Kitchen LIVE or the Sake Shack or whatever I decide to name the said insanity fic once I get round to it. More wackiness from the cast of PMK and RK.


End file.
